Since it's a brand new year , I feel that I need to do the obligatory "New Year" update . The question was...."What the hell do I have to say that will interest anybody????" The answer..."ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!" 
So I decided to just talk about movies .
I recently had a chance to watch the new LOTR:Return of the King extended version . 'Cause I wasn't satisfied with only THREE hours of Middle Earth escapades . You may be asking yourself "Self , what could they possibly put in that there extended dealy that weren't in the regular version ? " Well I'm gonna' tell you . Here are a few of my favorite added goodies that you WON'T see in your crappy theatrical cut .
1 ) Saruman , the evil white wizard , comes up with a diabolical plan to battle the Ents (Those giant tree guys) . He unleashes a huge flock of vicious woodpeckers that swarm over the heroic tree guys and attempt to peck them into oblivion . The Ents counter with the woodpecker's arch enemy...the squirrell . A huge CG rich epic battle between woodpecker and squirrell rages for about 45 minutes and finaly leads up to the scene where the few remaining Ents and two hobbits are sitting outside Saruman's tower that we got to see in the regular version . WOW .
2 ) Aragorn , frustrated that everybody keeps telling him that "You're the king" and "You're the only one that can lead the armies of man" , goes to a tavern and gets wickedly sloshed on dwarven ale . Arwyn and Elrond show up with his newly forged sword and AGAIN try to get him to embrace his destiny . Aragorn goes into an alcohol fueled rage that ends with him saying " I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU FRIGGIN' ELVES!!!! WHY DON'T YOU BOTH GO BACK TO YOUR HOLLOW TREE AND BAKE ME SOME FRIGGIN' COOKIES YOU KEEBLERIAN BASTARDS !!!!"
3 ) In an effort to discover when the dark lord's evil armies will launch their final attack on the kingdom of Minas Tyrith , stalwart dwarven fighter Gimli goes on a tense undercover mission to infiltrate Mordor as one of Sauron's menagerie of delightful yard gnomes .
4 ) A hilarious scene wherein the despicable one eyed orc general who was leading the attack on Minas Tyrith gets "Slimed" by the ghost army .
5 ) A hot steamy lesbian love scene between Legolas and Eowyn .
6 ) And last but not least . The most shocking addition to the extended Return of the King DVD . Something so bizarre that I have to wonder why they even bothered to put it in . Something that will make J.R.R. Tolkien's dead body re-animate , rise from the grave , and seek the blood of Peter Jackson . Two words....NUDE GOLEM!!!!!!
Yep . There you have it . TOTALLY worth the extra money to purchase this little cinematic gem . You haven't truly seen the movie until you have seen THIS version . I urge you all to go out right away and buy a copy . So GO already!!!!
So I decided to just talk about movies .
I recently had a chance to watch the new LOTR:Return of the King extended version . 'Cause I wasn't satisfied with only THREE hours of Middle Earth escapades . You may be asking yourself "Self , what could they possibly put in that there extended dealy that weren't in the regular version ? " Well I'm gonna' tell you . Here are a few of my favorite added goodies that you WON'T see in your crappy theatrical cut .
1 ) Saruman , the evil white wizard , comes up with a diabolical plan to battle the Ents (Those giant tree guys) . He unleashes a huge flock of vicious woodpeckers that swarm over the heroic tree guys and attempt to peck them into oblivion . The Ents counter with the woodpecker's arch enemy...the squirrell . A huge CG rich epic battle between woodpecker and squirrell rages for about 45 minutes and finaly leads up to the scene where the few remaining Ents and two hobbits are sitting outside Saruman's tower that we got to see in the regular version . WOW .
2 ) Aragorn , frustrated that everybody keeps telling him that "You're the king" and "You're the only one that can lead the armies of man" , goes to a tavern and gets wickedly sloshed on dwarven ale . Arwyn and Elrond show up with his newly forged sword and AGAIN try to get him to embrace his destiny . Aragorn goes into an alcohol fueled rage that ends with him saying " I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU FRIGGIN' ELVES!!!! WHY DON'T YOU BOTH GO BACK TO YOUR HOLLOW TREE AND BAKE ME SOME FRIGGIN' COOKIES YOU KEEBLERIAN BASTARDS !!!!"
3 ) In an effort to discover when the dark lord's evil armies will launch their final attack on the kingdom of Minas Tyrith , stalwart dwarven fighter Gimli goes on a tense undercover mission to infiltrate Mordor as one of Sauron's menagerie of delightful yard gnomes .
4 ) A hilarious scene wherein the despicable one eyed orc general who was leading the attack on Minas Tyrith gets "Slimed" by the ghost army .
5 ) A hot steamy lesbian love scene between Legolas and Eowyn .
6 ) And last but not least . The most shocking addition to the extended Return of the King DVD . Something so bizarre that I have to wonder why they even bothered to put it in . Something that will make J.R.R. Tolkien's dead body re-animate , rise from the grave , and seek the blood of Peter Jackson . Two words....NUDE GOLEM!!!!!!
Yep . There you have it . TOTALLY worth the extra money to purchase this little cinematic gem . You haven't truly seen the movie until you have seen THIS version . I urge you all to go out right away and buy a copy . So GO already!!!!
if testicles become a problem, i'll just neuter myself, thanks.
[Edited on Jan 02, 2005 12:56PM]