This is too fucking crazy to NOT share with everybody....
I just heard on the radio that a school district near Seattle has banned Halloween . Why you ask ? Not because they fear for the safety of their kids going out at night . Not because there's some poison candy scare . They banned Halloween because they feel that it's offensive to real witches . A spokesperson for the community said something like " We felt that Halloween portrayed members of the Wiccan religion in a negative light "
Yeah . Apparently the whole world lost its collective mind one night while I was asleep . People weren't even this scared of offending witches back when they believed they had the power to turn you into a newt if you pissed them off . It wasn't THAT long ago when if you had an arguement with somebody and woke up the next day with a toothache you could have that person snatched out of their home , lashed to a tree , and set on fire...JUST BECAUSE . NOW we're afraid of hurting their feelings . . Okay , let's just forget that Halloween was a holiday STARTED by the Druids , who were most likely the precursors of our modern day Wiccans .
Ahhhh..fuck it . While we're at it I think we should ban a bunch of other offensive holidays . For instance...
Groundhog Day is offensive to rodents . They wake up early in the morning and drag some poor innocent woodchuck out of his hole on a cold February day and hold him up in front of a crowd...NAKED . That's right , they don't even give him PANTS!!! How emotionally scarring do you think THAT must be for the poor little fella' ? What about Arbor Day . That's gotta' be offensive to lumberjacks who make their living off of cutting DOWN trees . Now they're forced to celebrate some hippy-happy tree hugger's day???? HELL NO!!!! Even Christmas is offensive...to Jesus . We celebrate the birth of the son of god by singing songs about mutant reindeer with glow in the dark noses and fat old guys in flying sleighs???? Jesus just CAN'T be too thrilled with that . Let's just ban EVERY holiday so we don't offend ANYBODY .
Every day SOMETHING else happens to make me want to move to a different planet .
I just heard on the radio that a school district near Seattle has banned Halloween . Why you ask ? Not because they fear for the safety of their kids going out at night . Not because there's some poison candy scare . They banned Halloween because they feel that it's offensive to real witches . A spokesperson for the community said something like " We felt that Halloween portrayed members of the Wiccan religion in a negative light "
Yeah . Apparently the whole world lost its collective mind one night while I was asleep . People weren't even this scared of offending witches back when they believed they had the power to turn you into a newt if you pissed them off . It wasn't THAT long ago when if you had an arguement with somebody and woke up the next day with a toothache you could have that person snatched out of their home , lashed to a tree , and set on fire...JUST BECAUSE . NOW we're afraid of hurting their feelings . . Okay , let's just forget that Halloween was a holiday STARTED by the Druids , who were most likely the precursors of our modern day Wiccans .
Ahhhh..fuck it . While we're at it I think we should ban a bunch of other offensive holidays . For instance...
Groundhog Day is offensive to rodents . They wake up early in the morning and drag some poor innocent woodchuck out of his hole on a cold February day and hold him up in front of a crowd...NAKED . That's right , they don't even give him PANTS!!! How emotionally scarring do you think THAT must be for the poor little fella' ? What about Arbor Day . That's gotta' be offensive to lumberjacks who make their living off of cutting DOWN trees . Now they're forced to celebrate some hippy-happy tree hugger's day???? HELL NO!!!! Even Christmas is offensive...to Jesus . We celebrate the birth of the son of god by singing songs about mutant reindeer with glow in the dark noses and fat old guys in flying sleighs???? Jesus just CAN'T be too thrilled with that . Let's just ban EVERY holiday so we don't offend ANYBODY .
Every day SOMETHING else happens to make me want to move to a different planet .
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
darklis:
Glad I cleared that up for ya. 
nic:
Hahahaha. You crazy Americans. you.