I saw a man with THE most magnificent mullet I have ever seen today . Seriously , this was like Joe Dirt times TEN!!!! It was hypnotic . I caught a glance of it out of the corner of my eye and COULDN'T look away . Other people came by and asked what I was looking at , and then THEY too were mesmerized by the magical mullet . The dude was about 6'2 and pretty stocky and he had the normal short and businesslike hair on top and on the sides , but the back...DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN...THE BACK . It was almost to his ass!!!! My first thought was..."Why hasn't anybody told this guy that his mullet is about to reach critical mass and consume his head ? " . After seeing the group of people standing around just STARING at the hypnotic hairdo , my next thought was " Maybe he's trying to use the power of his mullet to conquer the world ." 
If anybody outside of Pittsburgh hears that all communication has been cut off from the city , TELL THE WORLD . Tell them that THE MULLET must be stopped . We need the help of the armed forces . Call out an air strike with jets armed with with hair remover filled missiles . Tanks with the cannons replaced with giant hair clippers . A legion of the mightiest hair stylists in the world . DESTROY ALL MULLETS!!!!
If anybody outside of Pittsburgh hears that all communication has been cut off from the city , TELL THE WORLD . Tell them that THE MULLET must be stopped . We need the help of the armed forces . Call out an air strike with jets armed with with hair remover filled missiles . Tanks with the cannons replaced with giant hair clippers . A legion of the mightiest hair stylists in the world . DESTROY ALL MULLETS!!!!
I hate mullets almost as much as I hate zombies. Well, not quite, seeing as though there is some sort of crazy zombie outbreak on t.v. everywhere you look these days. Maybe it could be the Anti-Mullet-and-Zombie movement.