I'm going to trust all of you good lads and lasses at SG with a HUGE secret. I, TinfoilHalo, am a SUPER HERO!!!! My "Hero Name" is PANDA SMASHER!!!!
Why, you may ask, would you choose a name that infers you enjoy causing physical harm to cute and cuddly panda bears? I'll tell you why...because those cute and cuddly panda bears are DESTROYING THE WORLD!!!!!!
Panda bears are the cause of global warming, and they're framing us innocent cuddly humans for their nefarious misdeeds. Follow me here people. Pandas only eat bamboo. Bamboo is a plant. Destroying plants eliminates nature's ability to purify the air. Without nature's "Sonic Breeze" machine, the bamboo plant, the world is slowly filling up with greenhouse gases and getting hotter. You can't argue with that. It's science,baby!!! Nobody else seems to be pointing any fingers at the black and white fuzzy monsters, though. Strange, don't you think???? Perhaps it's some sort of international conspiracy???? We were making such fantastic progress earlier in the century. Pandas were ALMOST extinct. Then, agencies like the World Wildlife Federation stepped in to put a stop to it. What's this surly band of eco-terrorist's logo???? A PANDA!!!!! It's all starting to come together isn't it, folks. I can't prove it yet, but I also think that pandas may have been responsible for such other horrific acts as...crucifying Jesus, the Kennedy assassination, 9-11, and changing the "classic" chicken McNuggets to the new "All White Meat" McNuggets!!!! Now do you see why the world NEEDS a PANDA SMASHER????
This is an example of how I knock panda's the fuck OUT!!!! You can't tell, but he has TWO black eyes and he's holding an ice pack on his swollen panda lip. I was sending a message.
I'm out there people. Defending the world from Chinese bears. Rest well, planet Earth.
Why, you may ask, would you choose a name that infers you enjoy causing physical harm to cute and cuddly panda bears? I'll tell you why...because those cute and cuddly panda bears are DESTROYING THE WORLD!!!!!!
Panda bears are the cause of global warming, and they're framing us innocent cuddly humans for their nefarious misdeeds. Follow me here people. Pandas only eat bamboo. Bamboo is a plant. Destroying plants eliminates nature's ability to purify the air. Without nature's "Sonic Breeze" machine, the bamboo plant, the world is slowly filling up with greenhouse gases and getting hotter. You can't argue with that. It's science,baby!!! Nobody else seems to be pointing any fingers at the black and white fuzzy monsters, though. Strange, don't you think???? Perhaps it's some sort of international conspiracy???? We were making such fantastic progress earlier in the century. Pandas were ALMOST extinct. Then, agencies like the World Wildlife Federation stepped in to put a stop to it. What's this surly band of eco-terrorist's logo???? A PANDA!!!!! It's all starting to come together isn't it, folks. I can't prove it yet, but I also think that pandas may have been responsible for such other horrific acts as...crucifying Jesus, the Kennedy assassination, 9-11, and changing the "classic" chicken McNuggets to the new "All White Meat" McNuggets!!!! Now do you see why the world NEEDS a PANDA SMASHER????
This is an example of how I knock panda's the fuck OUT!!!! You can't tell, but he has TWO black eyes and he's holding an ice pack on his swollen panda lip. I was sending a message.
I'm out there people. Defending the world from Chinese bears. Rest well, planet Earth.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Hey dude! Long time no chat! How have things been lately?
I understand your point, but pandas? C'mon. You need to villify them much more than that to make me see the need for a Panda Smasher. Spider Smasher, absolutely. But pandas? Sorry, dude. I'm not on board just yet.
Well anyway, just thought I'd say hey.
Talk to ya soon!
Indeed, I did disappear for quite some time. I did join a cult, and surprisingly, it left little time for my SG obsession. Apparently they frown upon naked chicks and funny people. *PHEW* am I glad I got out before it was too late. The pine needles were really starting to leave marks after sleeping on them for so long.
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm nervous - I have meetings lined up all day. How weird to say that! Anyway, gotta go prepare for that, so I will talk atcha later.
Take care!!