tinfoilhalo

"Ode to my recent hatred of Scooters"

I must express my general disgruntlement with scooters. While I'll admit they look like they're fun to zip through the crowded little streets of Europe on, they really have no effing business being in front of me and other road rage suffering motorists on a major American highway. WHY Mr. and Mrs. middle age yuppie scooter operators? Why must you insist on slowing me down and thusly incurring my wrath? And how in the name of the motor vehicle gods can you justify riding a machine that sounds like a Weed-Eater as your sole mode of transportation???? You'd be better off tooling around on a Big Wheel.

I have tried to understand your alternative transportation oriented lifestyle, but found that there are some things that I just can't stomach. Please, Sir & Madam, don't make me destroy you and your little AAA battery operated "vehicles". There are certain things that I never wanted to be known for. One was the guy who started a vicious free for all battle royale in the middle of a Chuck-E-Cheese restaurant full of shrieking toddlers which ended in at least one fatality caused by a "Whack-A-Mole" mallet, but that's already happened and I can't take that back. Another is running down some dorky vehicularly challenged scooterists with my car. I like my car and don't wish to see any harm come to it. Do you realize how badly a scooter could scuff up my paint? Not to mention the blood stains. That stuff is HARD to get out!!! Don't force my hand, people. I'm a reasonable man, but I have my limits. PLEASE STAY OFF THE DAMN ROAD WITH YOUR LITTLE TOY MOTORIZED BIKEY THING WHEN I'M ON IT!!!!