There are a couple of things vexing me right now . Well , there are actually a LOT of things that vex me , but I can only address a few at a time . The list is as follows...
Things that piss me off Pt. 3,954,000
1) Assholes who insist on having a car with those super bright halogen headlights . Do you really need to have headlights that can illuminate the road in the next goddamn state???? I think a good rule of thumb should be that you don't need to light up the road farther ahead of you than you can humanly see . I had one of these jackholes tailgating me all the way home from work tonight . I was like "Shit.It's REALLY foggy out tonight . " Then I realized that it was actually smoke coming off of my scorched retinas from the reflection of his supernova powered headlights . I screamed and swerved off the road . Luckily a group of Girl Scouts were camped out in the parking lot and cushioned my impact . My car was undamaged AND I got a shitload of free cookies . SCORE!!!
2) These stupid fucking "TRUTH" anti-smoking adds on TV . I'm pretty sure that everybody knows that smoking is bad for you by now . The people that are still smoking aren't just "poor uninformed souls" , they WANT to smoke . As for the little kids who smoke . Well , they're doing it for the best of reasons . They're doing it for the ONLY reason that counts , pal . IT MAKES YOU LOOK COOL!!!! So back the fuck off poindexter!!! I don't even smoke and I'm offended by your bullshit propaganda campaign . I might START smoking because of your stupid ass adds just on the off chance that you might be filming one of them near me sometime and I can then walk up to you and blow a huge tar encrusted lung full of Marlboro's finest into your douchebag face . Stop with the body parts in the garbage cans , and the chalk outlines all over the streets , and all the rest of your stupid shit...except the singing trachea tube cowboy . That song is kinda catchy .
3) The ongoing pussification of America . All of these fucktard activists and touchy/feely sacks of shit who want to turn our nation into a bunch of shiny happy Richard Simmons clones . First you took all of the wholesome violence out of cartoons, movies , video games , and everything that was fun about childhood . Fine . Then you went and bludgeoned the country with your half assed political correctness . I don't know what the fuck to refer to people as anymore . I think that I'm a "Pigmentally challenged American of non-Nazi German descent" , but I'm not sure . Okay, great . NOW , I heard some shit today which has gone above and beyond what I thought was humanly possible in the realm of stupidity . TWO things actually .
A) One was a group of self important soccer moms , who obviously know better than everybody else in the world , want to have a law passed which will prevent people from "Boo-ing" at school athletic events because "it hurts the feelings of the people being booed" BOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Fuck you you miserable twunts!!!! All of the best insults and curse words were invented at the expense of somebody else's feelings , probably at a sporting event of some kind . Besides , without booing and derisive and negative comments being thrown at you you'd never know how bad that you suck . Then you would just go on thinking that you were actually good . Wouldn't THAT be embarassing ? Having your feelings hurt and your self esteem shattered is what makes you strive to be better...so that you can have sweet revenge on the bastards who boo'd you and then have your turn to tell them that it is they who are the ones that truly suck . HA,HA!!!!
B) Politicians in some states are trying to make it illegal to spank your children . First of all , I don't have kids , but if I want to smack somebody elses kids for fucking up I should have the right to do it . I'll let that one slide though . If I DID have kids and you told me I couldn't give them a whack on the ass after they grabbed a pack of matches and set the living room rug on fire , well then...sir or madam , we'd be living in fear of a future full of un-disciplined arsonists and rapaging hooligans and nogoodnicks . That ain't a world that I want to live in . My mom was from the old world school of child rearing . If you fuck up , depending on the severity of said fuck up , you get a warning . After that...it's your ass . My mom smacked the crap out of me and my sister when we were stupid little kids . She still occasionally smacks the crap out of me as a stupid adult . The point is , after you get smacked a few times , you don't fuck up in that particular way any more . You LEARN...not to get caught . Pain is bad . Cunning and intelligence prevents pain from happening . Then you somehow become smart . I don't know the exact science behind it , but it works . These people should pray that this dumbass law DOESN'T get passed , because the only thing preventing me from beating the bejesus out of people like them with a rusty pipe is the fact that my mom would smack the shit out of me if I did .
Thus ends this latest line of rants and ravings from Uncle Tinfoil . Now you kids go on and play . Don't make me come out there or I'll give 'ya something to cry about .
Things that piss me off Pt. 3,954,000
1) Assholes who insist on having a car with those super bright halogen headlights . Do you really need to have headlights that can illuminate the road in the next goddamn state???? I think a good rule of thumb should be that you don't need to light up the road farther ahead of you than you can humanly see . I had one of these jackholes tailgating me all the way home from work tonight . I was like "Shit.It's REALLY foggy out tonight . " Then I realized that it was actually smoke coming off of my scorched retinas from the reflection of his supernova powered headlights . I screamed and swerved off the road . Luckily a group of Girl Scouts were camped out in the parking lot and cushioned my impact . My car was undamaged AND I got a shitload of free cookies . SCORE!!!
2) These stupid fucking "TRUTH" anti-smoking adds on TV . I'm pretty sure that everybody knows that smoking is bad for you by now . The people that are still smoking aren't just "poor uninformed souls" , they WANT to smoke . As for the little kids who smoke . Well , they're doing it for the best of reasons . They're doing it for the ONLY reason that counts , pal . IT MAKES YOU LOOK COOL!!!! So back the fuck off poindexter!!! I don't even smoke and I'm offended by your bullshit propaganda campaign . I might START smoking because of your stupid ass adds just on the off chance that you might be filming one of them near me sometime and I can then walk up to you and blow a huge tar encrusted lung full of Marlboro's finest into your douchebag face . Stop with the body parts in the garbage cans , and the chalk outlines all over the streets , and all the rest of your stupid shit...except the singing trachea tube cowboy . That song is kinda catchy .
3) The ongoing pussification of America . All of these fucktard activists and touchy/feely sacks of shit who want to turn our nation into a bunch of shiny happy Richard Simmons clones . First you took all of the wholesome violence out of cartoons, movies , video games , and everything that was fun about childhood . Fine . Then you went and bludgeoned the country with your half assed political correctness . I don't know what the fuck to refer to people as anymore . I think that I'm a "Pigmentally challenged American of non-Nazi German descent" , but I'm not sure . Okay, great . NOW , I heard some shit today which has gone above and beyond what I thought was humanly possible in the realm of stupidity . TWO things actually .
A) One was a group of self important soccer moms , who obviously know better than everybody else in the world , want to have a law passed which will prevent people from "Boo-ing" at school athletic events because "it hurts the feelings of the people being booed" BOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Fuck you you miserable twunts!!!! All of the best insults and curse words were invented at the expense of somebody else's feelings , probably at a sporting event of some kind . Besides , without booing and derisive and negative comments being thrown at you you'd never know how bad that you suck . Then you would just go on thinking that you were actually good . Wouldn't THAT be embarassing ? Having your feelings hurt and your self esteem shattered is what makes you strive to be better...so that you can have sweet revenge on the bastards who boo'd you and then have your turn to tell them that it is they who are the ones that truly suck . HA,HA!!!!
B) Politicians in some states are trying to make it illegal to spank your children . First of all , I don't have kids , but if I want to smack somebody elses kids for fucking up I should have the right to do it . I'll let that one slide though . If I DID have kids and you told me I couldn't give them a whack on the ass after they grabbed a pack of matches and set the living room rug on fire , well then...sir or madam , we'd be living in fear of a future full of un-disciplined arsonists and rapaging hooligans and nogoodnicks . That ain't a world that I want to live in . My mom was from the old world school of child rearing . If you fuck up , depending on the severity of said fuck up , you get a warning . After that...it's your ass . My mom smacked the crap out of me and my sister when we were stupid little kids . She still occasionally smacks the crap out of me as a stupid adult . The point is , after you get smacked a few times , you don't fuck up in that particular way any more . You LEARN...not to get caught . Pain is bad . Cunning and intelligence prevents pain from happening . Then you somehow become smart . I don't know the exact science behind it , but it works . These people should pray that this dumbass law DOESN'T get passed , because the only thing preventing me from beating the bejesus out of people like them with a rusty pipe is the fact that my mom would smack the shit out of me if I did .
Thus ends this latest line of rants and ravings from Uncle Tinfoil . Now you kids go on and play . Don't make me come out there or I'll give 'ya something to cry about .
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
well not as prolific i just like to say kudzu really
how's pgh? how's ikea? hey i got an ikea near me here too!