I am here tonight to publicly condemn one of the most horrible inventions to ever be conceived of by man . No , not the atomic bomb , although I'm not very fond of that one either . Not even the steam powered kitten cannon (SO many squished kitties...THE HORROR. 
). No sir and/or madam , I'm talking about those "Hands Free" cell phone thingy-ma-jiggies . You know , the ones that make a person look like a modern day Lt. Ohura from Star Trek . "Why Mr. Halo" you may ask "do you feel that this particular contraption is a little slice of concentrated triple filtered grade "A" E-VILE????" Well I'll tell 'ya...
It's because NOW you can't tell who the crazy fuckers are any more . You used to be able to spot your average garden variety crazy fucker a mile away because they'd be the freaks who were talking to themselves...AND answering themselves . Now , by the time that you're close enough to realise that the dude talking to himself isn't some self important fuckwad who NEEDS to have his goddamn headset on in the middle of the grocery store and indeed IS a crazy fucker...you have a big ass Christmas Goose carving butcher knife stuck right in the middle of your favorite chest . In the old days if you saw a guy talking to himself , you run in the other direction screaming for help like a little girl whose dolly just got mauled by a Rottweiller . Now it could be anybody . You scream and call the cops on the lady talking to herself in the middle of Starbucks and she turns out to be some hoity toity business lady and suddenly YOU'RE the asshole!!!! Hey , I'm just trying to protect everybody from nutcases who would seek to "stab the evil spirits out of you and make you pure again" or whatnot .
"But Foily", you say"Those headset thingies save lives because people can wear them while they're driving and still keep both hands on the wheel." A valid point . Allow me to retort . NOBODY , and I mean NOBODY should EVER be talking on a phone while driving!!!! EVER!!!! You're NOT THAT IMPORTANT that you can't wait two fucking minutes until you get to where you can pull off the friggin' road to call somebody . And to prove that these things cause more injuries than they prevent , if I ever see somebody in the car next to me mindlessly yapping away into one of these things , I'm gonna' bust them over the head with an empty gin bottle...that I happen to keep in my car for self defense purposes . So for the love of all things good and decent STOP!!!!!!!!
This angry rant has been brought to you by the TinfoilHalo Institute For Common Sense .
). No sir and/or madam , I'm talking about those "Hands Free" cell phone thingy-ma-jiggies . You know , the ones that make a person look like a modern day Lt. Ohura from Star Trek . "Why Mr. Halo" you may ask "do you feel that this particular contraption is a little slice of concentrated triple filtered grade "A" E-VILE????" Well I'll tell 'ya...It's because NOW you can't tell who the crazy fuckers are any more . You used to be able to spot your average garden variety crazy fucker a mile away because they'd be the freaks who were talking to themselves...AND answering themselves . Now , by the time that you're close enough to realise that the dude talking to himself isn't some self important fuckwad who NEEDS to have his goddamn headset on in the middle of the grocery store and indeed IS a crazy fucker...you have a big ass Christmas Goose carving butcher knife stuck right in the middle of your favorite chest . In the old days if you saw a guy talking to himself , you run in the other direction screaming for help like a little girl whose dolly just got mauled by a Rottweiller . Now it could be anybody . You scream and call the cops on the lady talking to herself in the middle of Starbucks and she turns out to be some hoity toity business lady and suddenly YOU'RE the asshole!!!! Hey , I'm just trying to protect everybody from nutcases who would seek to "stab the evil spirits out of you and make you pure again" or whatnot .
"But Foily", you say"Those headset thingies save lives because people can wear them while they're driving and still keep both hands on the wheel." A valid point . Allow me to retort . NOBODY , and I mean NOBODY should EVER be talking on a phone while driving!!!! EVER!!!! You're NOT THAT IMPORTANT that you can't wait two fucking minutes until you get to where you can pull off the friggin' road to call somebody . And to prove that these things cause more injuries than they prevent , if I ever see somebody in the car next to me mindlessly yapping away into one of these things , I'm gonna' bust them over the head with an empty gin bottle...that I happen to keep in my car for self defense purposes . So for the love of all things good and decent STOP!!!!!!!!
This angry rant has been brought to you by the TinfoilHalo Institute For Common Sense .
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
keegan:
I operate according to my own rules not according to what the maid union says...fuck them! fuck everybody! let's start a non-unionized maid revolt!!!!!!
saraphine:
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
