Okay , my little hooligans . I have a tale to tell you all . A tale of intrigue and monumental stupidity . A tale of an idiot who fought the law ( The law won ) . A tale of a man who sought to make off with ill gotten booty , but alas...he was COLLOSALLY stupid . Come join me friends and I shall entertain you .
This tale begins with your humble narrator doing his joyless nine to five gig as a cog in the big machine . The day was limping on like a mortally wounded yak , slowly and horribly . All of a sudden two of Pennsylvania's boys in blue came a' bursting through our doors . The leader of this posse stepped forward and asked if anybody had seen a "Tall black man wearing a black shirt and black pants " round these parts lately . All parties concerned replied "Nay , good sir . No man fitting that description hath passed this way on this glorious Sunday morn . " The lawman looked quite vexed and replied " Are you sure? He was seen running into this building just a few minutes ago . " Now we were more than a little confused . Could it be that this ne'er do well had truly entered our little hell away from home ? So we spread out like creamy peanut butter over a Ritts cracker . We blanketed the area looking for any signs of the miscreant . None were to be found . As the temporary leader of our band of peons , I reported that there was no hoodlum in these here parts . The law-dog then asked "Do you know who's in the customer restroom? " GADZOOKS!!! Dost thou thinketh the rapscallion hath gone to ground in our clean and pine scented poopie pavillion???? "I doth" he spake . "You got any keys for this door ?" he asked . I then attempted to open the door with all keys at my disposal , but alas...entrance was denied . The door remained locked and the game was afoot . I suggested setting fire to the entire shopping plaza in a bold attempt to "smoke out" the nefarious bandito , but the good marshall thought perchance a screwdriver to remove the vent at the bottom of the door might be more suitable . So a screwdriver I provided . As the vent came away from the impassible toilet barrier , Johnny Law ordered all of us to a safe distance away . Armed with a granite jaw and a can of mace , the courageous Five-Oh stormed the lavatory of peril . There was a deafening silence and a long pause . Suddenly a great commotion ensued!!!! Angry voices and panicked shouts erupted from the darkened crapper . Then...it was over . The diabolical brigand was led out in handcuffs . As it turned out the criminal mastermind had attempted to steal some jewelry from a store in the plaza and then tried to make his escape , but was spotted by the bane of evildoers worldwide . MALL GUARDS!!!!! Now , his escape in jeopardy , the crafty crook had two choices A) Run over the hill to the ginormous mall and huge parking lot a short distance away OR B) Hide in a bathroom . We all know which choice he made . The story is not entirely over though me buckos . The best part is yet to come . Once trapped in said bathroom , surrounded by police , the masterful villain had two MORE choices . A) Knock out the ceiling tiles and make his escape through the crawlspace OR B) Hide in a garbage can . Guess which one he chose ? The policia entered the room , saw it was empty..and locked from the inside , realized that none of the ceiling tiles were moved , and saw a big honkin' garbage can in the corner . The kicked the can over , and Ocean's negative 11 came tumbling out . He tried to run and got maced in the face , tackled , and cuffed . "Oh , cruel fate!!! Why hath I been forsaken???? " thought the desperado with the burning eyes . He was then led away to meet his fate at the hands of the long arm of the law .
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?????
This tale begins with your humble narrator doing his joyless nine to five gig as a cog in the big machine . The day was limping on like a mortally wounded yak , slowly and horribly . All of a sudden two of Pennsylvania's boys in blue came a' bursting through our doors . The leader of this posse stepped forward and asked if anybody had seen a "Tall black man wearing a black shirt and black pants " round these parts lately . All parties concerned replied "Nay , good sir . No man fitting that description hath passed this way on this glorious Sunday morn . " The lawman looked quite vexed and replied " Are you sure? He was seen running into this building just a few minutes ago . " Now we were more than a little confused . Could it be that this ne'er do well had truly entered our little hell away from home ? So we spread out like creamy peanut butter over a Ritts cracker . We blanketed the area looking for any signs of the miscreant . None were to be found . As the temporary leader of our band of peons , I reported that there was no hoodlum in these here parts . The law-dog then asked "Do you know who's in the customer restroom? " GADZOOKS!!! Dost thou thinketh the rapscallion hath gone to ground in our clean and pine scented poopie pavillion???? "I doth" he spake . "You got any keys for this door ?" he asked . I then attempted to open the door with all keys at my disposal , but alas...entrance was denied . The door remained locked and the game was afoot . I suggested setting fire to the entire shopping plaza in a bold attempt to "smoke out" the nefarious bandito , but the good marshall thought perchance a screwdriver to remove the vent at the bottom of the door might be more suitable . So a screwdriver I provided . As the vent came away from the impassible toilet barrier , Johnny Law ordered all of us to a safe distance away . Armed with a granite jaw and a can of mace , the courageous Five-Oh stormed the lavatory of peril . There was a deafening silence and a long pause . Suddenly a great commotion ensued!!!! Angry voices and panicked shouts erupted from the darkened crapper . Then...it was over . The diabolical brigand was led out in handcuffs . As it turned out the criminal mastermind had attempted to steal some jewelry from a store in the plaza and then tried to make his escape , but was spotted by the bane of evildoers worldwide . MALL GUARDS!!!!! Now , his escape in jeopardy , the crafty crook had two choices A) Run over the hill to the ginormous mall and huge parking lot a short distance away OR B) Hide in a bathroom . We all know which choice he made . The story is not entirely over though me buckos . The best part is yet to come . Once trapped in said bathroom , surrounded by police , the masterful villain had two MORE choices . A) Knock out the ceiling tiles and make his escape through the crawlspace OR B) Hide in a garbage can . Guess which one he chose ? The policia entered the room , saw it was empty..and locked from the inside , realized that none of the ceiling tiles were moved , and saw a big honkin' garbage can in the corner . The kicked the can over , and Ocean's negative 11 came tumbling out . He tried to run and got maced in the face , tackled , and cuffed . "Oh , cruel fate!!! Why hath I been forsaken???? " thought the desperado with the burning eyes . He was then led away to meet his fate at the hands of the long arm of the law .
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?????
vrulovwrath:
Hmm, entertaining... 