tinfoilhalo

I would like to share an excerpt from a conversation that I had with a co-worker a few days ago . It will give you some idea why I am the way that I am . These people are just crazy enablers .

Here's the backstory . There is a groundhog or possibly groundhogs dwelling in a hole on the hill outside of my place of employment . As I came into work that particular day , I looked up to see the pudgy varmint standing on his hind legs watching me . I tossed him a friendly "Hello groundhog ( Because I dion't know his proper name ) " . He then made some odd hand gesture with his furry littl paw . I walk into the store and say...

Me - I think that ground hog just flipped me off .
Mike The Co-worker - Yeah . He's a dick .
Me - I know , right ?
MTC - He just stands up there all day looking down on us like he's a bad ass or something .
Me - I'm gonna fight him .
MTC - Who ? The groundhog ?
Me - Yeah . I'm sick of his shit . I'm going up there and I'm going to wrestle him into submission .
MTC - I'll put five bucks on the groundhog .
Me - WHAT??? You're not going to back ME against a groundhog ?
MTC - I don't know , he's pretty big . Plus he's got gnawing and burrowing skills .
Me - That's true . I hadn't thought of that . Still...
MTC - He could also call for back-up .
Me - From WHERE ? It's a hill and a parking lot .
MTC - He's probably got a whole network of tunnels that lead all over the area .
Me - Just like the fucking V.C.
MTC - Yep .
Me - Do you think if I called the National Guard station over by the airport they'd okay an air strike ?
MTC - I don't know . We're pretty close to the mall . What if they miss ?
Me - Casualties of war , man . Besides , that mall sucks anyway .
MTC - True . Call them .



DICK!!!!

Later I was telling my friend this story and said .

Me- That little bastard probably has a tunnel leading right into my apartment . If he put it under the couch I'd never know 'cause I don't clean under there .
Friend - Why would he have a tunnel into your apartment ?
Me - To gather intel...and eat my Cheez-Its .
Friend - Dude , I ate your Cheez-Its .
Me - YOU ASSHOLE!!!!

So what ? I wage war against small burrowing rodents in my spare time and I'm a little over protective of my cheesy snack crackers . Does that make me crazy? It's my hobby . everybody needs a hobby , right?