tinfoilhalo

I finally got my lazy ass out on the bike trail last week . Even though my muscles were burning afterwords it felt good to get out in the fresh air after being cooped up all winter . Being out in nature and feeling the sun on your face can do wonders for your morale .

Now for my obligatory angry rant . What ? You thought I was going all wishy-washy on you ? NEVER!!!!

As I was enjoying my calm and relaxing bike ride , I came across several people which threatened to completely destroy my Zen-like state and make me beat them to a pulp with a rock or stick or slow moving woodland creature . These are the people whose lives are apparently SO fucking important that they can't even take a few minutes out of their busy day to enjoy the beautiful surroundings and blissful silence . No cars honking their horns , no telephones ringing , no T.V.'s blasting out a non-stop stream of mind numbing crap . Just peace and quiet...and CELL PHONES???? WHY in the name of Thor's hammer would you feel the need to talk on your goddamn cell phone on a fucking walk ? I even saw a guy in full fishing gear standing in the middle of a picturesque stream babbling away on his Moto . For fuck's sake people!!! This is probably your ONE chance to get away from all the phone calls and bullshit in your day to day life . Enjoy it . ENJOY THE FUCKING CALM OR I SWEAR I'LL HURT YOU AND MAKE YOU SAY..." GEE , I WONDER IF PEOPLE WILL THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT MY ASS PLAYS THE THEME SONG TO THE O.C. WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO CALL ME BECAUSE SOME CRAZY GUY JAMMED MY CELL PHONE UP MY STUPID SELF-IMPORTANT TECH-ADDICTED ASS???" !!!

Mind you , I also take my cell phone with me when I go out on the trail just in case I go careening off the trail and bash my favorite skull off a big honkin' rock or my bike gets stolen buy a mean spirited sasquatch , but I leave it TURNED OFF & IN MY POCKET so I can be away from the modern world for just a few hours . Trust me . It works wonders .

The only thing that kept me from mass murder was one person . There was this adorable little girl riding a pink bike with training wheels on it . As I watched her wobble along with her dad she toppled right over and went down . HARD . You know WHY that made me feel better ? No , I don't like seeing children getting hurt you sick bastard!!!! That little girl took a pretty nasty tumble and she got up grinning from ear to ear , brushed herself off , and jumped right back on her little pink bike and went right back at it . That , my friends , is what it's all about .

Now...as soon as you are done reading this journal I want you to IMMEDIATELY forget what I just said . As far as everybody is concerned I am the same heartless soulless cruel sense of humor having prick that I've always been . God I hate it when my emotions show . It makes me feel dirty .