tinfoilhalo

I would like to update you all on the progress of my first foray into screenwriting . For those of you who have been reading my insane ramblings for awhile , you'll remember that I am a HUGE fan of movies . You may also remember that I said some time ago that a friend of mine and myself thought up a brilliant idea for a new multi-million dollar grossing horror movie called "Ghost Cow" , about an evil demonically(Or possibly angry Native American spirits , or possibly even the angry souls of an Amish community that was destroyed for the gigantic dairy farm . Hell , you can make up anything as long as it ends in a horrible flesh eating cow ) possessed dairy cow that cuts a bloody swath of terror through a rural community . We're putting the finishing touches (...and by "Finishing" touches , I mean we have an ending of an unwritten movie . But WHAT an ending... ) We have to actually write the script and get the people that we've chosen to play the parts to sign up , but that shouldn't really be THAT hard when you think of all of the bazillions of dollars that this movie would generate . Okay , here's how it ends...

The remaining townsfolk are trapped inside the local dive bar and are trying to fashion crude weapons out of broken whiskey bottles and pool sticks . Outside the town is in flames . Eviscerrated bodies lay strewn through the streets and the monstrous Ghost Cow stalks toward the blockaded doors of the " Liquor In Front , Poker In The Rear " bar with murder in its hellish eyes . The townsfolk brace for their inevitable demise when suddenly , for no apparent reason , a 4 wheel drive S.U.V. comes barreling toward the deadly cow . Screeching to a stop mere inches from the blood soaked farm animal , a man steps out . It's BRUCE WILLIS!!!! ( Now mind you , Bruce Willis has not been in the entire movie and has absolutely NO reason to show up here . He just does...because he's Bruce Willis ) . The star struck bovine smiles (Inadvertantly baring its gore soaked teeth) and utters a surprised "MOOOO????" which translates to "HEY!!! You're Bruce Willis , star of such fan favorite motion pictures as Hudson Hawk and Mercury Rising!!!! What Brings you to our humble little town . Oh...sorry about all of the mutilated bodies laying about , but there was some "unpleasantness" with the local townsfolk . You know how it is ? Holy smokes...Bruce Willis . Doesn't that just beat all ? " Mr. Willis , who was stricken with an unfortunate childhood case of Non-Doolittle-ism , fails to understand what the grinning Ghost Cow just said and takes it as an insult to his manhood about losing his lovely wife Demi Moore to a snot-nosed punk like Ashton Kutcher and runs to the back seat of his S.U.V. where he pulls out a military grade hand held flame thrower which he was delivering to a local orphanage . "Kiss your ass goodbye , Bossy...you're hamburger." The next twenty or thirty minutes will be one of the most jaw dropping spectacles ever put to film as Bruce Willis and the unstoppable Ghost Cow rage through the remains of the town causing numerous explosions and witty one-liners . Bruce eventually emerges triumphant and saves the remaining townspeople , but in an old delapidated barn somewhere out in the forest the supernatural moo's of GHOST COW 2 can be heard echoing through the still moonlit night .

People will liken it to the climactic ending of Citizen Kane...but with guns and explosions...and a man-eating cow . Ghost Cow will then go on to win EVERY Academy Award including Best Foreign Film , Best Animated Short , and Best Documentary . It will be hailed as the greatest motion picture EVER made and Hollywood will close because they know that they can NEVER make a better movie and are too ashamed to even try . The national monument , Mt. Rushmore , will be transformed from the carvings of our famous American presidents to a giant cow and the world will unite in a never before seen era of peace and harmony .

Well , that's about it . Other than getting Bruce Willis , acclaimed British thespian Sir Ian Macellan(Who would be the voice of Ghost Cow . All great villains have British accents ) , Chuck Norris as the town sherriff , Orlando Bloom as the sherrif's wife Tanya , and..well...the rest of the cast , we're pretty much done. Promise me when this movie comes out you will spend all of your life savings to go see it as many times as humanly possible . Promise? Good .

Until next time...