So , it's 2006 now , huh? 2005 was fairly uneventful on a personal level . Sure , on a wide scale level there was lots of notable stuff . Mostly terrible disasters , not the least of which was seeing G.W. handle everything from the war in Iraq to the Katrina devastation with dazzling ineptitude . But now it's 2006 . I think that if we've learned nothing else from '05 it's that we gotta' be prepared for ANYTHING . We are the ones who are going to have to deal with the next great disaster . We can't count on the government .
So , that being said...I think we have been overlooking one of the most serious threats to our personal safety and the well-being of the entire human race . That's right everybody , I'm talking about zombies . After reading this I became aware of not only my city , but the entire world's lack of preparedness for a full scale zombie invasion . Therefore I urge each and every one of you to make one very important resolution this New Years . Get yourself and your neighbours ready to defend yourselves from the flesh eating undead . I know what you're all saying " I'll board up my windows and buy myself a shotgun NEXT year . " NO . That's exactly what's going to get you and your family turned into a walking snack bar . I encourage you all to begin reinforcing your homes and buying a large cache of weapons and explosives TOMORROW . Now some of you are probably under the foolish notion that there are no such things as zombies . Sure , like there's no such thing as the BOOGEYMAN . PLEASE . Even if you don't believe in them , they can still eat you . I didn't believe in bears until they ate my buddy Jim on a camping trip . Talk about learning something the hard way . At any rate all of those weapons and boarded up windows will be able to defend you against door to door salesmen and Jehova's Witnesses until the eventual zombie uprising . So it'll be worth it for that reason alone .
I've said what needed to be said . YOU have to do the rest . Now I'm off to the mall to buy a brand new chainsaw .
Ahhh....nothing like starting off the new year with a good old fashioned zombie bashing journal . I've matured SO much since last year .
So , that being said...I think we have been overlooking one of the most serious threats to our personal safety and the well-being of the entire human race . That's right everybody , I'm talking about zombies . After reading this I became aware of not only my city , but the entire world's lack of preparedness for a full scale zombie invasion . Therefore I urge each and every one of you to make one very important resolution this New Years . Get yourself and your neighbours ready to defend yourselves from the flesh eating undead . I know what you're all saying " I'll board up my windows and buy myself a shotgun NEXT year . " NO . That's exactly what's going to get you and your family turned into a walking snack bar . I encourage you all to begin reinforcing your homes and buying a large cache of weapons and explosives TOMORROW . Now some of you are probably under the foolish notion that there are no such things as zombies . Sure , like there's no such thing as the BOOGEYMAN . PLEASE . Even if you don't believe in them , they can still eat you . I didn't believe in bears until they ate my buddy Jim on a camping trip . Talk about learning something the hard way . At any rate all of those weapons and boarded up windows will be able to defend you against door to door salesmen and Jehova's Witnesses until the eventual zombie uprising . So it'll be worth it for that reason alone .
I've said what needed to be said . YOU have to do the rest . Now I'm off to the mall to buy a brand new chainsaw .
Ahhh....nothing like starting off the new year with a good old fashioned zombie bashing journal . I've matured SO much since last year .
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Happy New Year!