There's something about blogs. I feel comfortable blogging. Things I don't share right off the bat with people, I have no trouble writing about, knowing full well that anyone on the internet can read it. I've been a faithful blogger for many years now but it's only dawned on me now that I use the internet to share my feelings rather than doing it face to face. Thinking about it, I've come up with a few reasons as to why I do this.
I'm an awkward speaker. I don't stutter, nor do I have problems with enunciation and I believe that my vocabulary is fairly extensive. Yet somehow the words never seem to come out quite right. Oh, I'll rehearse what I'm about to say in my head but to no avail, I always end up jamming one or both feet in my mouth. I tend to forget words (my brain stalls quite a bit) and usually in a panic, I'll end up replacing the forgotten word with another that doesn't quite fit. I always hope that no one will notice. Sometimes people do. I'll get the somewhat baffled look (it's similar to the look you would give a two headed ostrich). Or worse people will call me on it. It's embarrassing. I'm smart, I know I am. I just have trouble speaking on the spot.
Another problem I have is the way my brain works. It tends to jump around a fair bit. Usually I'll begin speaking in the middle of a thought process so people will only hear the last half of what I was thinking. I'll wrongly assume they'll understand. But how often do you understand a story when you've missed the beginning? The people I'm conversing with will once again give me the look and ask me to further explain. This makes things worse for me. I'll have realised I've made a mistake in assuming someone understands my erratic thought process and feel flustered. It feels like they're judging me. I'll attempt to backtrack, to fill in the holes but inevitably things only get worse.
The nice thing about writing is that I can always go back and correct my mistakes, something you can't do while holding a conversation. I wish I had a remote control for real life.
And the last reason is its easier saying something if you can't see their reaction. Like for instance when I was diagnosed last year with bpd, I received a lot of negative reactions. It was hard. It made me feel like it was my fault. Of course when people got time to digest the information and think about it, I was offered nothing but full support.
There you have it. The reasons why I blog.
On another note, I finally got my wireless router installed. YEAH!!! I can use the internet anywhere in my apartment!
I'm an awkward speaker. I don't stutter, nor do I have problems with enunciation and I believe that my vocabulary is fairly extensive. Yet somehow the words never seem to come out quite right. Oh, I'll rehearse what I'm about to say in my head but to no avail, I always end up jamming one or both feet in my mouth. I tend to forget words (my brain stalls quite a bit) and usually in a panic, I'll end up replacing the forgotten word with another that doesn't quite fit. I always hope that no one will notice. Sometimes people do. I'll get the somewhat baffled look (it's similar to the look you would give a two headed ostrich). Or worse people will call me on it. It's embarrassing. I'm smart, I know I am. I just have trouble speaking on the spot.
Another problem I have is the way my brain works. It tends to jump around a fair bit. Usually I'll begin speaking in the middle of a thought process so people will only hear the last half of what I was thinking. I'll wrongly assume they'll understand. But how often do you understand a story when you've missed the beginning? The people I'm conversing with will once again give me the look and ask me to further explain. This makes things worse for me. I'll have realised I've made a mistake in assuming someone understands my erratic thought process and feel flustered. It feels like they're judging me. I'll attempt to backtrack, to fill in the holes but inevitably things only get worse.
The nice thing about writing is that I can always go back and correct my mistakes, something you can't do while holding a conversation. I wish I had a remote control for real life.
And the last reason is its easier saying something if you can't see their reaction. Like for instance when I was diagnosed last year with bpd, I received a lot of negative reactions. It was hard. It made me feel like it was my fault. Of course when people got time to digest the information and think about it, I was offered nothing but full support.
There you have it. The reasons why I blog.
On another note, I finally got my wireless router installed. YEAH!!! I can use the internet anywhere in my apartment!
But, I like the one on SG, because people actually read them.