timore

So I don't think I am going to SGB tomorrow. I'm sorry, I really really want to meet everyone, and more than anything I want to get drunk and be free, but I am incapable of being happy right now.

He says I am to mature and he isn't ready to be grown up. That I am done with school and ready to have a real life and he is starting to want to do drugs and have no regrets again. I guess that makes me a regret. He says we fight all the time (we do) and nothing changes (he changes nothing) and that instead of getting upset, I need to just realize he is who he is (someone who is entirely incapable of accepting consequence). I said it is all or nothing. Yes, I am that sickening girl who cried and nearly pleaded to not become "single". But I don't believe in breaking up and getting back together, I have never seen it work. I need to know where I am in life so I know what direction to go in. We are together but not really I guess. Things will never be the same. I feel empty. 3 1/2 years, I don't know if I can start over.

Did I mention my Dad is still in the hospital and yesterday I found out my Grandma has congenital heart failure?

Fuck you guys, I'm going home.

Edit: Got a call this morning, my Dad had some problems and is now in ICU. He is ok, he should get out of ICU tomorrow.