timeoftheeclipse

fuck!!!!
this goddamned mono thing is killing me
i spent all weekend camped out on my couch
cuz i didnt have the energy to get up and do anything
i am physically and mentally exhausted at all times
i have never had such a hard time getting out of bed
im sick of it
i want it to end
i feel like crying
i just want it to be over already

and maybe its jsut the mental and physical exertion
that it is actually taking to get anything accomplished,
but im kinda down right now
my brain is tired
i have no desire to do anything but sit on my couch and be bored
and my beloved new job
well, its not so peachy
once again, hopefully, this is just me being mentally worn down
but i dont feel like i fit in there
the whole point of me moving to the new store
was for the current wine guru there to take me under his wing
and to teach me all the things i hadnt learned already
and thats just not happening
and i dont know why
its so frustrating
i dont feel like im contributing anything
and it sucks
i think im starting to regret taking the job
sure its easy
but im making less money
im finding myself less and less happy in the situation every day
maybe its cuz i went from being the number one wine buyer for a store
to being the third guy in the rotation
none of my customers have come over to see me yet
im not doing any of the ordering or decision making
im out of the loop
i feel liek jsut anohter liquor store clerk
instead of the wine guy that i really am
and it sucks
completely

fuck


plus
i really really really really reaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyyyy
miss my girl
who knew i could miss her anymore than i already did
with her new job
and my sickness and jobs
and everything else
we hardly get to talk
and i miss her fiercly
it was bad enough being in another country when we spent aas much time together as we could
now we dont have time to talk much
and i miss her
i miss her smile
and her eyes
and the way she feels in my arms
and waking up next to her
and her laugh
and everything else
i miss her



thanks for letting me vent
i love you all...