timeoftheeclipse

why is my finger always on the self destruct button?
it always seems that when things start going well for me
whenever i get close to someone
i start to freak out a bit?
ive been hurt a lot in the past, who hasnt
but i think i started sabotaging everything as a way to keep people from hurting me
i dont want to do that anymore
i dont want to be petty
i dont want to be insecure
i want to stop hurting the people i love

im trying
im really trying to change
to make things work this time
not to freak out and not fuck this up
but im doing a damn good job of doing just that right now
i keep pushing her away
and she keeps pulling me closer and closer
i love her soooo much
but howmuch more can she take before she finally has enough
before she comes to her senses and...
no
there i go again
she loves me as much as i love her
she has shown much more strength and patience
than i have
but with her love i will get better
i know it


i love you stephanie