timeoftheeclipse

tonight, i fell in love with 8 amazing girls... who wouldn't... im not sure ill ever be able to watch reservoir dogs and not think of siciliy and pearl... i gladly spent 20 minutes in the shower when i got home washing the chocolate syrup and whipped cream out of my hair.... but alas, tonight was not perfect. shame to say that i realize that even my beloved sg's are capitalists.... but this is the way of the world i suppose, no one notices you until you reach for the wallet. i also realized tonight, that i am indeed, invisible. i am not real, i do not exist and it does not matter.i dont belong, i dont fit in. last week i went to one of those hip nightclubs and i didnt fit in there, which is ok with me. tonight tho, when i thought i would be amongst friends and people who are like me, i realized that, even in the 'punk rock community,' or whatever you want to call it, i am an outcast as well. no tats, not piercings, no trendy t shirts, no more dyed or mowhawked or dredlocked hair, i am just me. and that ostracizes me from a type of people who are supposed to accept everyone. i am not a punk anymore, i am not a goth anymore, i am not a hipster, i am not a jock, i am not a frat boy. i am me. thats all i know how to be, all i want to be. but it also makes me sad to know that the people i identify with judge me because of how i look. ironic, isnt it?...................................oh well, its not like anyone will read this, i dont think anyone knows i exist here.. night