timemastertim

Good morning and welcome to another episode of the dreadfully dull sitcom that is my life. Can't blame you for not caring... But blogging is like writing a diary with the added pretense of an audience. Yay for katharsis!

I really need to get some sleep. But my hormone crazed mind won't allow for much. My thoughts keep revolving around her, especially when it gets dark. I wonder if she ever thinks about me, too. Not that way, I'm sure... Well, I was told by friends not to be so "negative" about it. I'm programming myself, they said, to see only what is bad, not enjoy what is good. I should not give up hope so soon. They have a point, of course. But I'm a pessimist by nature, what can I do? In my twisted way of thinking, it seems more desirable to expect the worst and receive a nice suprise than to have high hopes from which the fall might be too steep. Been there, done that, got the scars. I'm just too afraid that the next pit I tumble into might just be too deep for me to crawl out of again. Coward? Yeah, that's me I guess. And yes, I know about self fulfilling prophecies. If you know a way to a more optimistic outlook, I'm willing to hear it!

Having more or less accidentally been given a few glimpses at some more intimate aspects of her personality doesn't help, either. Knowing she has some... shall we say, special erotic interests... having similar interests myself... just keeps fuelling my fire. Knowing that she has lots of experience where I have only fantasies.... doesn't make it seem likely that she could return my feelings for her.

I'm lost in the woods.... with miles to go before I sleep.