timber_

i am so very afraid that i love sam and he doesn't love me back, or at least doesn't love me as much. i feel like i'm in so much deeper than he is and that terrifies me. we are both so reluctant to fully trust, but i feel like i'm trying, and making strides, and i feel like he's not really trying. i worry because he doesn't say that he loves me. i don't say it to him because i know he won't say it back, and it will eventually destroy me. i mean, i have said it to him but he doesn't reciprocate verbally. we've talked about it and he says he "feels the same way but isn't ready to say it"... idk. i want him to meet my family and have told him, he doesn't seem to want me to meet his. i can't even begin to list the reasons this makes me feel so insecure because it would be a ridiculously long list.

he's so sweet and caring. he says the right things. i love him, i'm just so scared. is love supposed to be so scary and stressful? maybe it's because i've never been in love before.

the thing that terrifies me the most is talking to him about all of this. i feel like i have to, to get it off my chest, to be honest with him, to let him know what is going on in my head... i wish i knew what was going on in his head. but what if i don't hear what i want? what if he doesn't want to be with me any more?

maybe i shouldn't talk to him about it... no, i think i need to... idk what to do with all these emotions.