Happy Halloween Readers!
First spoiler is the state of affairs in my own head:
First spoiler is the state of affairs in my own head:
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I sit here in front of my computer hiding from Trick or Treaters. The first year I lived in this house I gave out candy, but only got 5 kids to knock on my door. Since then I have not given out candy. I feel very guilty for not doing so, that is why I feel bad sitting up here hiding.
I do love Halloween, but have not celebrated it in a long, long time. Part of me wants to get dressed up and go to a party, but I never get invited to one that isn't at some bar with a bunch of people I don't know. Strangers scare me, especially in places I am not familiar with. I need to know at least one person there that I could cling to for the night and just be quiet for the night, sit in the corner and watch the party flow around me. I like to observe.
I also thought about not being here this evening. I thought, who could I call upon to spend my time with. No one came to mind. My closest friends are all busy with their lives and my not-so-close friends are not close enough for me to call upon for help. As a result I feel so disconnected from everyone. I don't think anyone wants to be reminded that they are alone in their life.
Which brings me to my hug count. I started counting hugs because I wanted to hug more. I wanted to hug more because I have this fear of intimacy and this was my way to deal with that fear. It is a great way to deal with the physical aspect of intimacy, but it helps very little with my emotional intimacy. I don't bond well with people, I never have. I think that boils down to me not being an attractive person. That is not to say that I am not good looking, which I like to think I am. Attractiveness is more about ones personality and not about looks. What is it about my personality that is not attractive? Do I want to change that part of me once I figure that out?
I started the hug blog because I wanted to keep track of the hugs I was making. To have some record of the connections that I was making. If you have been following the blog, you can see what people I have made connections with because they keep showing up in the blog every so often. Those being my family and a select few friends are constantly appearing on the countdown.
I think for next year I am going to set some additional goals on top of getting more hugs than this year:
- hug 50 different people (I don't think I have done more than 25 any year)
- have a hug at least once a day for 7 days (I think my best streak is 3 days)
Do you guys think this is doable?
I sit here in front of my computer hiding from Trick or Treaters. The first year I lived in this house I gave out candy, but only got 5 kids to knock on my door. Since then I have not given out candy. I feel very guilty for not doing so, that is why I feel bad sitting up here hiding.
I do love Halloween, but have not celebrated it in a long, long time. Part of me wants to get dressed up and go to a party, but I never get invited to one that isn't at some bar with a bunch of people I don't know. Strangers scare me, especially in places I am not familiar with. I need to know at least one person there that I could cling to for the night and just be quiet for the night, sit in the corner and watch the party flow around me. I like to observe.
I also thought about not being here this evening. I thought, who could I call upon to spend my time with. No one came to mind. My closest friends are all busy with their lives and my not-so-close friends are not close enough for me to call upon for help. As a result I feel so disconnected from everyone. I don't think anyone wants to be reminded that they are alone in their life.
Which brings me to my hug count. I started counting hugs because I wanted to hug more. I wanted to hug more because I have this fear of intimacy and this was my way to deal with that fear. It is a great way to deal with the physical aspect of intimacy, but it helps very little with my emotional intimacy. I don't bond well with people, I never have. I think that boils down to me not being an attractive person. That is not to say that I am not good looking, which I like to think I am. Attractiveness is more about ones personality and not about looks. What is it about my personality that is not attractive? Do I want to change that part of me once I figure that out?
I started the hug blog because I wanted to keep track of the hugs I was making. To have some record of the connections that I was making. If you have been following the blog, you can see what people I have made connections with because they keep showing up in the blog every so often. Those being my family and a select few friends are constantly appearing on the countdown.
I think for next year I am going to set some additional goals on top of getting more hugs than this year:
- hug 50 different people (I don't think I have done more than 25 any year)
- have a hug at least once a day for 7 days (I think my best streak is 3 days)
Do you guys think this is doable?
Now on with the hug blog:
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Hug 300 (THIS IS MADNESS): October 10, 12PM-ish: Female, age withheld
This was the weekend of Canadian Thanksgiving. It is earlier than the American one because the Canadian harvest is also earlier. My parents were having dinner this year at their place. I arrived with my brother and got a hug from my mother for hug 300!
Hug 301: October 10, 12PM-ish: Male, 52
I got a hug from my father when I arrived as well. Again, his hugs are strong.
Hug 302: October 10, 4PM-ish: Male, 13 months
My nephew once removed and my cousins were at my parent's house for dinner. After playing a card game, Cool Hand was placed on the table. He was playing with the cards and walking around, I was just watching him so that he wouldn't fall off. His mother (aka Goldilocks I) asked me to get him off the table as it was about to be set. As I brought him down, I got in a hug on him. Stealthy hug!
Hug 303: October 10, 9PM-ish: Female, age withheld
My aunt Suse was there for dinner as well. After a couple rounds of cards, it was time for all to get home. I got a hug from my aunt before she left.
Hug 304: October 10, 9:30PM-ish: Female, age withheld
After talking to the parents with my brother for some time about family stuff, I got a hug from my mother as I went to pack my car with the laundry I did at my parent's place.
Hug 305: October 10, 9:30PM-ish: Male, 52
I had to go find my father in the garage to get a take care hug from him. Again, very strong.
Hug 306: October 10, 9:30PM-ish: Female, age withheld
I also got a final hug from my mother.
Hug 307: October 23, 7PM-ish: Female, mid thirties; Female, 30; Male, 29
I was invited over to Crushinator's housing complex, which is just four apartment house, for a pumpkin carving/housewarming party... on the front lawn. When I got there, I parked my car and saw Ice Queen, Pixie and Crushinator walking off to go somewhere. I waved and tracked them down. They gave me a group hug, which wasn't good for the hug count, as it only counts as one for me, but it counts as a 0.5 for each of them. I am following the American football sac stat recordings here.
Hug 308: October 23, 7:15PM-ish: Female, 30
I walked with the trio above to the local shopping market so Crushinator could get a pumpkin and Ice Queen and Pixie could head off to have dinner further up the road. I got a hug from Pixie before she left me outside the market and might not see her the rest of the night.
Hug 309: October 23, 7:15PM-ish: Female, mid thirties
Ice Queen also gave me a hug before she left for dinner.
Hug 310: October 24, 12AM-ish: Female, mid thirties
The pumpkin carving party was kind of a success. There were many pumpkins mutilated on the lawn that evening by the light of the fire and some flashlights. At some point I tried to stand up and fell sideways because I was sitting so long in the cold. The cold didn't bother me, but not having my muscles work kind of was. After walking for 10 minutes, Ice Queen came by me and I said I was cold. She felt me via getting a hug. We were about the same temperature, which I unusual because she is always really warm.
Hug 311: October 24, 1AM-ish: Female, 32
Jinx was at the party as well. She made her good-byes known and I got a hug out of it.
Hug 312: October 24, 1AM-ish: Female, mid thirties
I said I should probably get going too, after Jinx's hug. I got a hug from Ice Queen because she was right there.
Hug 313: October 24, 1AM-ish: Female, mid thirties
I continued to talk to Ice Queen after that last hug. I got another hug from her.
Hug 314: October 24, 1AM-ish: Male, 29
Crushinator walked by at that moment and I told him I was leaving. I got a hug from him.
Hug 315: October 24, 1AM-ish: Female, mid thirties
I got one last hug from Ice Queen before I left.
Hug 316: October 29, 6:30PM-ish: Female, 29
Even though I was not suppose to work this day, I still went into work. I was lured in with pizza, candy, cake, a watching of The Monster Squad (it is so bad it is awesome) and games. It was a good day spent sleeping in and being at work not working. At the end of the day, I walked with Chains to the train platform. I got a hug from her before she got on her train home.
Side Note: The night before I had a dream where I was walking down the street. I saw Chains walking the other direction. I went up to her kissed her and then told her to stop being so cute. Stupid subconscious giving in to my attraction for my co-working. I know I am not her type, quite teasing me.
Hug 300 (THIS IS MADNESS): October 10, 12PM-ish: Female, age withheld
This was the weekend of Canadian Thanksgiving. It is earlier than the American one because the Canadian harvest is also earlier. My parents were having dinner this year at their place. I arrived with my brother and got a hug from my mother for hug 300!
Hug 301: October 10, 12PM-ish: Male, 52
I got a hug from my father when I arrived as well. Again, his hugs are strong.
Hug 302: October 10, 4PM-ish: Male, 13 months
My nephew once removed and my cousins were at my parent's house for dinner. After playing a card game, Cool Hand was placed on the table. He was playing with the cards and walking around, I was just watching him so that he wouldn't fall off. His mother (aka Goldilocks I) asked me to get him off the table as it was about to be set. As I brought him down, I got in a hug on him. Stealthy hug!
Hug 303: October 10, 9PM-ish: Female, age withheld
My aunt Suse was there for dinner as well. After a couple rounds of cards, it was time for all to get home. I got a hug from my aunt before she left.
Hug 304: October 10, 9:30PM-ish: Female, age withheld
After talking to the parents with my brother for some time about family stuff, I got a hug from my mother as I went to pack my car with the laundry I did at my parent's place.
Hug 305: October 10, 9:30PM-ish: Male, 52
I had to go find my father in the garage to get a take care hug from him. Again, very strong.
Hug 306: October 10, 9:30PM-ish: Female, age withheld
I also got a final hug from my mother.
Hug 307: October 23, 7PM-ish: Female, mid thirties; Female, 30; Male, 29
I was invited over to Crushinator's housing complex, which is just four apartment house, for a pumpkin carving/housewarming party... on the front lawn. When I got there, I parked my car and saw Ice Queen, Pixie and Crushinator walking off to go somewhere. I waved and tracked them down. They gave me a group hug, which wasn't good for the hug count, as it only counts as one for me, but it counts as a 0.5 for each of them. I am following the American football sac stat recordings here.
Hug 308: October 23, 7:15PM-ish: Female, 30
I walked with the trio above to the local shopping market so Crushinator could get a pumpkin and Ice Queen and Pixie could head off to have dinner further up the road. I got a hug from Pixie before she left me outside the market and might not see her the rest of the night.
Hug 309: October 23, 7:15PM-ish: Female, mid thirties
Ice Queen also gave me a hug before she left for dinner.
Hug 310: October 24, 12AM-ish: Female, mid thirties
The pumpkin carving party was kind of a success. There were many pumpkins mutilated on the lawn that evening by the light of the fire and some flashlights. At some point I tried to stand up and fell sideways because I was sitting so long in the cold. The cold didn't bother me, but not having my muscles work kind of was. After walking for 10 minutes, Ice Queen came by me and I said I was cold. She felt me via getting a hug. We were about the same temperature, which I unusual because she is always really warm.
Hug 311: October 24, 1AM-ish: Female, 32
Jinx was at the party as well. She made her good-byes known and I got a hug out of it.
Hug 312: October 24, 1AM-ish: Female, mid thirties
I said I should probably get going too, after Jinx's hug. I got a hug from Ice Queen because she was right there.
Hug 313: October 24, 1AM-ish: Female, mid thirties
I continued to talk to Ice Queen after that last hug. I got another hug from her.
Hug 314: October 24, 1AM-ish: Male, 29
Crushinator walked by at that moment and I told him I was leaving. I got a hug from him.
Hug 315: October 24, 1AM-ish: Female, mid thirties
I got one last hug from Ice Queen before I left.
Hug 316: October 29, 6:30PM-ish: Female, 29
Even though I was not suppose to work this day, I still went into work. I was lured in with pizza, candy, cake, a watching of The Monster Squad (it is so bad it is awesome) and games. It was a good day spent sleeping in and being at work not working. At the end of the day, I walked with Chains to the train platform. I got a hug from her before she got on her train home.
Side Note: The night before I had a dream where I was walking down the street. I saw Chains walking the other direction. I went up to her kissed her and then told her to stop being so cute. Stupid subconscious giving in to my attraction for my co-working. I know I am not her type, quite teasing me.
17 hugs this month, which is better than last year's 14.
Next month will be another low month I think. It might be on par with last year, but we will see. There is no Hallomas party this year to help get me hugs, as far as I can see. I do have a meet up with some poly people, so that might balance that out. We shall see.
Take care readers.
VIEW 25 of 43 COMMENTS
She's really into punishment and petty retribution. I plan to not stay though, if she's not paying me then I consider that my personal time and I'm not wasting it spending it with her.