*sweeping up the broken vase*
Hello there kids. I guess you are still wondering why I have come back. Well, pull up a chair and I will let you in on my thoughts....
There are a number of reasons I have come back.
First off, my manager and my manager's manager found my myspace profile. Well, I think they might be spying on me now.
As such, I have not put anything too personal on there for a long time. And now I need an alternative blogging outlet.
Second, the price was right!!!
With a good discount to bring me back, I found it hard to not come (that's what she said) back.
Third, like the first time I started here, I need something from somebody. The first time around it was to forgive. Forgive myself and those I hurt. This time around it is to overcome a fear. A fear I just found this new years: a have a fear of intimacy. That is right. Not only does do I have a fear of being intimate with somebody else in person, but I also have a fear of other people being intimate around me.
How do I know this? Well, when some of your friends are playing spin the bottle, I shouldn't be having panic attacks, especially if I am not playing the game. Trust me, it was not because I was not involved, I played that in my head a couple of times, I didn't feel right about kissing couple strangers.
With this fear, I feel... not human. In my mind, intimacy is something all humans should be able to do regardless of any other fact about a person's life. Also, me being scared of intimacy leaves me emotionally unavailable for anyone else, and thus I will never find a relationship of any kind. This includes friendships, and lovers.
So, I guess I am back to work on me. Trying to find some people that might have some insight in my situation, and maybe come out of this year with a bravery or at least a method to get over my fear.
Lastly, I missed this place. I missed the boards with the craziness, the groups where I can find common interested and the naked girls. YAY! Nudity!
Well, I hope that was good for you as it was for me. My foot feel asleep while writing this...
Have a great day readers!!!!
Hello there kids. I guess you are still wondering why I have come back. Well, pull up a chair and I will let you in on my thoughts....
There are a number of reasons I have come back.
First off, my manager and my manager's manager found my myspace profile. Well, I think they might be spying on me now.
As such, I have not put anything too personal on there for a long time. And now I need an alternative blogging outlet.
Second, the price was right!!!
With a good discount to bring me back, I found it hard to not come (that's what she said) back.
Third, like the first time I started here, I need something from somebody. The first time around it was to forgive. Forgive myself and those I hurt. This time around it is to overcome a fear. A fear I just found this new years: a have a fear of intimacy. That is right. Not only does do I have a fear of being intimate with somebody else in person, but I also have a fear of other people being intimate around me.
How do I know this? Well, when some of your friends are playing spin the bottle, I shouldn't be having panic attacks, especially if I am not playing the game. Trust me, it was not because I was not involved, I played that in my head a couple of times, I didn't feel right about kissing couple strangers.
With this fear, I feel... not human. In my mind, intimacy is something all humans should be able to do regardless of any other fact about a person's life. Also, me being scared of intimacy leaves me emotionally unavailable for anyone else, and thus I will never find a relationship of any kind. This includes friendships, and lovers.
So, I guess I am back to work on me. Trying to find some people that might have some insight in my situation, and maybe come out of this year with a bravery or at least a method to get over my fear.
Lastly, I missed this place. I missed the boards with the craziness, the groups where I can find common interested and the naked girls. YAY! Nudity!
Well, I hope that was good for you as it was for me. My foot feel asleep while writing this...
Have a great day readers!!!!
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
mogwai_:
just wanted to say thanks
indiequeen:
Thanks a bunch kid. I thought we looked like rockstars. 