tigerlily

when you think of the perfect love relationship, what do you imagine yourself experiencing?

i used to equate the kind of love i was looking for with the sensation of deep passion, connection, intensity. i thought this is what i would find, and desire, in a soulmate. like the line in a postal service song, "...waiting for a love that would look and sound like a movie". all of the relationships i've had that have contained this, however, have also been extremely volatile, unsustainable, and full of drama. being a scorpio, there's always going to be a certain amount of intensity surrounding the events in my life. but recently, i found myself in the position of having to choose, to really be careful on what i decide to receive in terms of partnership.

and i suddenly realized that i've grown up. i now see that crazy, high flying, super charged chemistry as something near the equivalent of an over frosted, super sugary, empty caloried junk cereal. fun while you're eating it, but sickening towards the end and leaving you spaced out and crashed on the floor. i had thought that it was just a matter of time and work...i could have my cake and eat it too...that it was just a matter of finding 'the right one'. i realize now that attraction and passion and chemistry are one thing. what makes for a good relationship is something entirely different.

i'm not saying that deep connection and passion can't go hand in hand with longevity. but just that i've kinda lost my taste for striving, pining and the satiation of desire. i'd rather have the slow simmer of mutual affection, trust, respect and compatability.

now timing. that's a whole 'nother matter.


picture of frozen crystal from water bottle labeled with the words 'love and gratitude'. from 'the hidden messages of water' by masaru emoto.