tigerlily

i am the queen of hearts.
and this is my day.
i am here to celebrate love, and i've got the big fat tender squishy heart to prove it.
i'm taking a cue from sixsixty and making the whole world my valentine.

and this most definitely means you.

i can't help but love. i try. i pretend. i put up a great front that looks like an impenetrable wall, and i can make you feel invisible if i want to. but i don't really want to. i just don't want you to hurt me. it's remarkable really. this is what we all do. even those of you who scoff and think you're exempt. you're not. you're just good at fooling yourself.

we're the only mammals who walk upright, exposing our soft bellies and hearts. whenever i'm depressed, i can't stand up straight. my whole chest collapses, shoulers slumping forward, trying to protect what hurts.

i love that line in 'what a wonderful world' by louie armstrong.

"I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do.
They're really saying 'I love you'. "

i love all my friends on here, who have showered me with blessings and wishes and love when i thought i had no hope left. i love all of you who extend yourselves to me online, but then don't say a word to me when i see you in person. it's ok! i get it. it's that big heart of yours again, feeling shy.

i love everyone who's mad at me right now (altho i hope there aren't many) because again, there's your heart. something to you is important. and that must mean i'm important too because otherwise you wouldn't be mad...you just wouldn't give a shit.

i love my brother matthew, who always tells my mom he'll call me, or stop by when he's in SF, but then never does. he and i love each other so much, and it hurts so much, that we can't even approach each other. how's that for big scared squishy?

i love all you cynics who try to write the day off by claiming it's only a hallmark fabrication. but like most of our holidays, valentines is a takeoff of an older pagan tradition...the festival of lupercalia in rome...celebrating when the wolves (lupus) went into heat. and take a look around at our city..do you not see the plum blossoms? the starlings and housefinches courting? haven't you noticed the flowers and bird song? nature's in love...don't deny it.

i have an arrow that i am shooting at all of those who have closed their hearts to me, especially you. you know who you are. my arrow pierces your armor and melts your defense. oh please come on. i'm here as a heart warrior today, but my fierceness is gentle. there's this chasm between us. i hope our hearts find their way back to each other, in friendship. my heart is tired of telling lies. lies about how i don't care. i do care. way way much.

happy valentines day. i love you.