tigerlily

happy birthday to me, hm hm hm hm hm hm....

i'm back. and i really want to write that journal entry all about how magical the trip was and how i'm so high on life right now. i really do. except, can i be straight up here? italy was fucking HARD you guys. my heart got the equivalent of an ass kicking. and not to say that it didn't have magical moments, because it did, for sure. it was beautiful, and i love the country and i met some really great people and THE FOOD and venizia and toscana and the south and and...it was fucking hard. and instead of being left with that glowy feeling i had expected, i have been so god damn depressed since i got back.

i found myself being challenged on SO many different levels. i expected to feel a little vulnerable because of the language. and traveling always creates space for emotional stuff to come up. and i even expected that it might be a little weird with my friend at times. but i felt REALLY vulnerable...blown wide open. and MAJOR emotional stuff came up...which ultimately is good (i'd rather process it than repress)...but it was REALLY weird with my friend. or rather, HE was really weird. and i felt totally isolated, and like it wasn't ok to be in the space i was in, and it was so freakin difficult to talk about anything...

oh you guys, i'm sure i'll ultimately be able to put a positive spin on it...but to be honest right now i just feel really heavy, and my heart is really tender. handle me with care...

but i do have some good stories to tell. REALLY good ones. i'll sprinkle them in my journal throughout the next few weeks.

glad to be back.