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tigahstyle

Is where the heart is...

Member Since 2006

Followers 17 Following 23

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Thursday Aug 03, 2006

Aug 3, 2006
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Well. Lately things have been... different. My mind is cranking all day every day lately and it's been nothing but stress with dispersed peaks and drops here and there. I don't know what's best for anybody, least of all myself lately. I think I'd be better off just launched into space to live alone in a large space station and slowly develope space madness eventually believing that I can walk outside without aide of a pressurized suit and continue to do so. I'm going to start focusing on my work again. Trying to learn the in house software as well as some roto stuff to broaden my abilities. If I can get that down and am actually good at it, I will most likely be secure job-wise for a long time. God knows we all could do with a little more money and that's no less true in my case.

I don't know. I just feel like if money wasn't a problem, a lot of things wouldn't be a problem. The house would be more comfortable. Gas and driving for Pricia wouldn't be a strain and as it is she's already tired of worrying about being able to drive from point A to B. We could get her car fixed. Insurance. Furniture. Internet at home. Vet fees. It's not like the situation's unlivable but it would most certainly detract from the overall stress of everything if those simple luxuries were secure.

My mind is in a jumble right now and I can't really formulate any more cohesive thoughts. I just wanna go home and sleep which isn't as easy as it used to be because amongst all this stress your mind just races when you lay in bed trying to force thought out of your head.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Am I happy in what I'm doing? Is my career really what I want? I need to motivate myself into action instead of just waiting to feel motivated, but why is it so fucking hard to make myself? I feel like I know so much less about what I should be doing then I should. I'm learning stuff every day for my career and about myself, but it never feels like enough. I'm tired of doubting myself and everything around me so fuck it. It's time to make a difference in my own life and only I can do it. If I can make myself feel proud, confident, and happy, then it would reflect in everything and everyone around me, right? I need to do this. There's no choices left. Get your shit together. Get organized. Get to it because it's now or never.



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