Gaaahhh!
But at least I understand from where my angst comes now. It's postpartum anxiety, for lack of a better term. I finished my writing projects and now they're out there to succeed or fail on their own, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I'm edgy when I'm not working on something; when I don't have something to call my own. I've felt this way at the end of every project I've ever worked on. You'd think after almost 29 years in this skin I'd be aware of this all too familiar emotional state... But no, it's scary and new each and every time I experience it.
My God... 29... Grandma was 29... Every birthday, she turned 29. And now I see it a comin'...
I actually went out with a real live girl last week. She's really nice, smart, funny. Exotic (she's Indian), pretty and tall (a plus for my 6'4" self). But my God... I've never drank so little at a bar in my life. I know, Eastern peoples don't have the drinkin' chromosome. I learned this in college when my Asian and Indian buddies would be passed out before the party even started.
She called again last night. I was already three sheets to the wind, as the roomies and I decided that anti-social alcoholism was the best plan of action for the evening. So I did all I could to maintain and not sound like the lush that I am... But this morning I find myself asking why? Why not just give her the full dose of you and see if at the very least she still wants to be your friend?
Anyway, I pulled my ass out of bed this morning so I could take the car in to get the sun roof motor fixed. (Or is it a moon roof? I dunno, what's the difference?) But in accordance with Murphy's law, they fired their window guy yesterday. Cruel fate, why do you mock me?
And I want to go to Disneyland, damnit! I'm missing out on all the nifty Halloween merchandising. But going alone... That's a bit sad. Damnit! Couldn't the break-up have come after Halloween???
Sorry for ranting. Just needed to spew. And now... laundry...
But at least I understand from where my angst comes now. It's postpartum anxiety, for lack of a better term. I finished my writing projects and now they're out there to succeed or fail on their own, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I'm edgy when I'm not working on something; when I don't have something to call my own. I've felt this way at the end of every project I've ever worked on. You'd think after almost 29 years in this skin I'd be aware of this all too familiar emotional state... But no, it's scary and new each and every time I experience it.
My God... 29... Grandma was 29... Every birthday, she turned 29. And now I see it a comin'...
I actually went out with a real live girl last week. She's really nice, smart, funny. Exotic (she's Indian), pretty and tall (a plus for my 6'4" self). But my God... I've never drank so little at a bar in my life. I know, Eastern peoples don't have the drinkin' chromosome. I learned this in college when my Asian and Indian buddies would be passed out before the party even started.
She called again last night. I was already three sheets to the wind, as the roomies and I decided that anti-social alcoholism was the best plan of action for the evening. So I did all I could to maintain and not sound like the lush that I am... But this morning I find myself asking why? Why not just give her the full dose of you and see if at the very least she still wants to be your friend?
Anyway, I pulled my ass out of bed this morning so I could take the car in to get the sun roof motor fixed. (Or is it a moon roof? I dunno, what's the difference?) But in accordance with Murphy's law, they fired their window guy yesterday. Cruel fate, why do you mock me?
And I want to go to Disneyland, damnit! I'm missing out on all the nifty Halloween merchandising. But going alone... That's a bit sad. Damnit! Couldn't the break-up have come after Halloween???
Sorry for ranting. Just needed to spew. And now... laundry...
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Something tells me the ratio wouldn't warrant such anxiety.
You get paid to do what you love, living the dream of every schlep on earth, I know you're thankful for that.
Your grandma turned 29 every year ?
I think that is so rad.
I wanted to go to Disney, but I'd be going alone as well.
edit - that Dolly concert was on again last night and I recorded Stairway to Heaven. It wasn't quite as beautiful as I'd originally let on (I'd been drinking), but a definate chill giver. Let me know if you'd like me to zip it to ya.
[Edited on Oct 24, 2004 3:15PM]
indian women ARE beautiful! i love women that are "tan" all year round, you're a lucky man, but god knows you cant let her know what a total alcoholic you are right off the bat!
thats gotta wait atleast a month or two until you have her hooked!