tiamat

'k so i completely screwed up. i thought my paper was due on thursday and i was going to hand it in on fri. a day late. No! it was due on monday and now my teacher is in toronto and wont except it. it is worth 45%. why? oh why?
things have been crazy. i didn't sleep on wednesday night. i was sober and i still didn't go to bed until 1 am friday. my mind is reeling. how come people change so drastically? do you ever truly know someone. it isn't a negative change. just a change i am not used to. i am confused. i don't know what she expects from me. i am still the same person. just a little crazier. if that was ever possible.
i am wrestling with the idea that i am too dependent on people. i hate going out by myself. i can't even go to the movies by myself. does this make me dependent? people who go out dancing by themselves, is it because they don't need anyone to have fun? or is it because no one wants to have fun with them. i can't do it. i like to share my experiences with people who are close to me. i feel like i am constantly boiling over w/ feelings for people and i need to share them. i like to care about and for people. i think i hug and kiss too much. i am too emotional.
anyways, i need to pack. i am going up island for easter. sadly, i still get a visit from the bunny. my mom even gets stuff from my grandma. we are quite an interesting family. i'll never grow up. i wonder what i'll get...
i think i am obsessed w/ the sickness the "beaver fever". or bevah fevah. i don't have it. thank god. but what a silly name. sounds like a dyke disease. maybe that's why i like it
hop hop hop