tiamat

so my dad almost died of blood loss. from a frickin' nosebleed. weird. second time in 6 years. last time an ambulance showed up at his deserted work to find him passed out on the floor. this time it lasted two days. he was fixed up for a few hours and was in the car while my mom was coming to pick me up from the ferry. he started to pass out again and ended up in the hospital where he started to have chest pain. its so fucked cause now he is sitting here like everything is fine and he is totally healed since the doctors burnt the artery shut. and he is healed...

here i sit wasting time happily eating and sleeping and eating and sleeping and then watching more and more movies. i think i am going to go back to the mainland and do the same things there until school starts. i feel like it is validated by the fact stupid school starts in two weeks. hopefully then i wont be comatose. i just don't feel like going out anymore. the winter does this to me every year. i like to blame it on being a summer baby. it helps me write off this season. i am going to force myself to be productive this weekend. i will i will. have i mentioned lately my growing addiction to zodiac crossword puzzle scratch and wins? better than heroin

i am trying to convince a certain someone to help me do something completely self focused. i am trying to convince this certain someone ... or is it people... family members mostly to cosign for this vanity dream card for a much desired body mod. i have been researching and planning for years and i am so close if only they would sign. damn damn damn. i even have a financial plan.
i have these dreams of low cut dresses and bikinis. yeah yeah i know...love your body blah blah blah but i do! just needs a tune up. dude i took 5 years of women's studies and nothings changed. maybe i just like fucking around with queer feminist stereotypes.

okay i am in a flighty sugar induced state of dizziness.

xoxo tiamat