tiamat

My night terrors are out of control. Last night I couldn't even sleep. I didn't actually close my eyes until 6:30 am and I had to be up at 8:00 am. I am scared.... I hate sleeping alone. I need someone to be with me during the week when I wake up to dead people talking to me or bugs atttacking me. I think I have mentioned this before, but I had to go to a sleep clinic in Vnacouver when I was little and I was the youngest case the doctor had ever seen. Supposedly, I have a disorder which affects older people. I cannot come out of my dreams without them overlapping with reality. I see things and when I wake up they continue to stay with me. An example would be these two men, one in a wheel chair and one who looked like he had a heroin addiction, who grabbed my arm in the middle of the night and I woke up to them still there. I was visiting my parents and the skinny guy said "you thought you could escape us and run away home?" Don't you know we will always be there?" I was still screaming when my mom turned on the light.
I was telling someone this the other day, and they said it was like I am a visionary. I don't care what it is... I just want to be able to sleep. My first full night of sleep , 9 hours, happened when I was 12. My mom cried when I told her I finallly understood what it was like to actually wake up rested. Up until recently, everything except for the overlapping visions, went away. Now it is back and I have to go back on Ribitrol (an anti-seizure medicine) whixh is the only thing that helps me besides Benedryl which is actually for allergies. This is allegy drug is what I mention in the 5 things I can't live wihtout. I am sorry this is long but I am bordering on insanity from sleep deprivation. I have been up al day waiting to fall asleep and I feel like crying. Sorry this is so depressing. To end this off on a good note I completed my 'zine today! Donations go towards tthe Women's Centre.

Okay back to watching Sex and the City downloads and Russ Meyer films until I pass out. Maybe the rhytmic bouncing of big titited girls in Russ's Mondo Madness will loll me to sleep.


Over and out.