Time for possibly another long journal entry if I have enough time before going to a shoot.
So the other day I went out and had dinner with my first real girlfriend. I dated her when I was 16 (half a lifetime ago) but we have always stayed friends. She's now married and has 2 kids but when she comes to visit we always meet up to catch up on life. We are truely "just friends." So it made me start thinking. What ever happened to the excitement I use to have when dating someone, like when I was 16? This journal isn't about regret, missed opportunities, or loss. It's about having hope and possibly finding what I didn't feel in some of my past relationships...butterflies! Do you remember those?
Remember when just holding hands with someone would make you feel like king for the day? How about actually looking forward to that first kiss? I think as we get older and we get past those things sometimes we can be concentrating on trying to have sex with someone so much that we forget about the other pleasures in dating. Now I love sex, don't get me wrong, but I think we occasionally ignore that the other things can be just as great to share with someone else. Now I know that this may only pertain to me but that's why this is my journal.
My last relationship was a roller coaster ride as some of you may have known. But sadly looking back I don't remember feeling butterflies with her. Why is that? For a while I just thought that was one of the things you lose when growing up. Kinda like the feeling of invincibility we all had at a younger age. I remember when I use to think jumping on a friend's car hood and holding on while he did circles was fun. Now I think it's just stupid. I liked butterflies and I miss them. I know they aren't always there but shouldn't they be occasionally? My friend and his wife bicker about the stupidist things and they don't have that much in common but you can tell they're truely in love with each other by the stupid things they do and the way they act. Not in a PDA type way, because I'm not into that heavy petting in public stuff, but just in a goofy way. Now take a look at me and my ex. My friends loved her and the guys thought I was the luckiest man ever. She loved movies, video games, porn, and she let me have my guy time but they could never see that the spark was no longer there. The passion was gone.
So now I'm back into the dating world and it is a scary monster. But at the same time exciting. I use to always play it safe and not ask a girl out forever but then I would fall into the friend zone. Then briefly I had a time I got cocky and was dating (or just messing around with ) everybody. Then I got into a relationship. So now I'm trying to find a middle ground. I've already had a few let downs. I guess I read their body language wrong because when I asked them out I got some excuse or we would go out and it was just lame. Then there were a few exciting one's where I would have the time of my life and of course she would have to be on the rebound and fall back into the ex's arms. And although they all sucked, if I didn't take that chance I wouldn't have had the good experiences I've also had recently. So now it's all about patience...I think I'm losing focus on this entry. So do butterflies exist at an adult age? I think so. Does this mean I'm going to make sure I set a certain coarse in any future dates or relationships? Not at all. I would be a pathetic person if I didn't just go with my feelings. I would hate to be having a good time and suddenly stop and say wait a minute I can't move onto step 3 until the third date. So that is why dating and love is a multi-headed monster. I can't just throw myself into every person I meet but at the same time I can't put my guard up trying to protect myself from further let downs. But I will let myself get giddy about liking someone and just go with the flow. If it works great if not I'll take it as a learning experience. The one thing I do know is that if I don't get butterflies right before that first kiss then I need to move on.
Hug someone you're close to because it just feels good to do.
Later
So the other day I went out and had dinner with my first real girlfriend. I dated her when I was 16 (half a lifetime ago) but we have always stayed friends. She's now married and has 2 kids but when she comes to visit we always meet up to catch up on life. We are truely "just friends." So it made me start thinking. What ever happened to the excitement I use to have when dating someone, like when I was 16? This journal isn't about regret, missed opportunities, or loss. It's about having hope and possibly finding what I didn't feel in some of my past relationships...butterflies! Do you remember those?
Remember when just holding hands with someone would make you feel like king for the day? How about actually looking forward to that first kiss? I think as we get older and we get past those things sometimes we can be concentrating on trying to have sex with someone so much that we forget about the other pleasures in dating. Now I love sex, don't get me wrong, but I think we occasionally ignore that the other things can be just as great to share with someone else. Now I know that this may only pertain to me but that's why this is my journal.
My last relationship was a roller coaster ride as some of you may have known. But sadly looking back I don't remember feeling butterflies with her. Why is that? For a while I just thought that was one of the things you lose when growing up. Kinda like the feeling of invincibility we all had at a younger age. I remember when I use to think jumping on a friend's car hood and holding on while he did circles was fun. Now I think it's just stupid. I liked butterflies and I miss them. I know they aren't always there but shouldn't they be occasionally? My friend and his wife bicker about the stupidist things and they don't have that much in common but you can tell they're truely in love with each other by the stupid things they do and the way they act. Not in a PDA type way, because I'm not into that heavy petting in public stuff, but just in a goofy way. Now take a look at me and my ex. My friends loved her and the guys thought I was the luckiest man ever. She loved movies, video games, porn, and she let me have my guy time but they could never see that the spark was no longer there. The passion was gone.
So now I'm back into the dating world and it is a scary monster. But at the same time exciting. I use to always play it safe and not ask a girl out forever but then I would fall into the friend zone. Then briefly I had a time I got cocky and was dating (or just messing around with ) everybody. Then I got into a relationship. So now I'm trying to find a middle ground. I've already had a few let downs. I guess I read their body language wrong because when I asked them out I got some excuse or we would go out and it was just lame. Then there were a few exciting one's where I would have the time of my life and of course she would have to be on the rebound and fall back into the ex's arms. And although they all sucked, if I didn't take that chance I wouldn't have had the good experiences I've also had recently. So now it's all about patience...I think I'm losing focus on this entry. So do butterflies exist at an adult age? I think so. Does this mean I'm going to make sure I set a certain coarse in any future dates or relationships? Not at all. I would be a pathetic person if I didn't just go with my feelings. I would hate to be having a good time and suddenly stop and say wait a minute I can't move onto step 3 until the third date. So that is why dating and love is a multi-headed monster. I can't just throw myself into every person I meet but at the same time I can't put my guard up trying to protect myself from further let downs. But I will let myself get giddy about liking someone and just go with the flow. If it works great if not I'll take it as a learning experience. The one thing I do know is that if I don't get butterflies right before that first kiss then I need to move on.
Hug someone you're close to because it just feels good to do.
Later
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No...I actually DID get up and sing. Can you believe it??
I would call you, but I just now got home from work. I still need to eat, shower, and sleep, only to be up for work at 4am again tomorrow. Enjoy your weekend!