thyrist

I just got back from seeing Closer with my ex. Wow, if things weren't in an akward state with us prior to the movie they are a little bit more now. The movie delt with the whole betrayl and honesty issue. Things we've been dealing with and that leave doubts in my mind if I should even be around her now. God aren't y'all sick of hearing this shit from me? I am. It sucks when you love someone a lot but don't know if they're right for you. And I hate how she can turn her betrayl into "something that had to happen for us to move on and possibly hold a chance for us in the future". And what's with this whole needing to know everything that went on in our past? I have always believed that what is in the past stays there. So why do some people need to know the details of what you did when they weren't in your life. Sorry so random.
Also, something that has been bothering me a lot is that she is constantly complaining of not feeling good and what's wrong with her? Fucking go to a doctor and stop making it my problem EVERY day. I just want to scream and tell her for one day just don't complain! Now I know I bitch a lot about things but not to a point where I become obsessed with it. Do others in relationships deal with this stuff? Am I to self centered? I listen and I try to help but when do I say stop asking me because I obviously don't have the answers you want! When can I stop feeling sorry for her loss of her mom and dog and start thinking about how I want to spend time hanging out with people that aren't downers? When can I start trying to date others and not feel like I'm abandoning her?
Besides all that bitching, the other day I was driving and I came across a song that made me happy and warm inside. It made me think of my family, friends and , yes, Christina (the ex)and how lucky I am to have them and for what they have taught me in life. So I called my parents house and left them a message of how lucky I am. Well it made my mom cry. Of course at first she thought it was a ploy to get better gifts for Christmas or that something bad happened but after I explained that I just wanted them to know I loved them it made her cry (happy cry). It was the first time I just came out of nowhere and told them and it felt good. If you have never done that then try it with someone you love. It will not only make them feel good but also yourself.
Boy some people may read this and think I'm Bi-polar but I'm not. I just have a lot of feelings to express and I unload them on you. So, be well, treat someone nicely and do something that makes YOU happy. I will see or talk to you all again soon.