"You need to chill."
"Honesty is a tool that bloodies rather than cuts and should be used sparingly."
I can't remember where I first heard that quote but it is something that has stuck with me for some time. I think it fair to say that you can beat someone to death with honesty. Its a blunt, matter of fact thing that often doesnt convey the point of any statement. Its the difference between saying exactly what you think and saying anything else that could accomplish the same goal.
Let me provide an example:
The truth: I hate your make up, I dont like the colors you tend to use, nor do i feel it improves your beauty.
The alternative: Your natural features are amazing, you dont even need make up in my opinion.
Now, you might tend to say, "well duh.", who the hell would say the first option....I would. Simply because I probably dont think your natural features are that amazing, its just better than that mask you seem to be so damn obsessed with. I swear, I'm not being hurtful...on purpose. I simply dont have that filter so many poeple seem to utilize. I think it, I say it, end of story.
In my defense, if you happen to go back and read my past blogs, I do make an attempt to be a thoughtful individual. I do my best to learn from my mistakes and the things I have seen over the last 30 years....and I think I have learned a great deal. One of those things is that people dont always want to hear what you have to say, especially if its true.
It seems to me that there is a lot of truth to the notion that "all the world is a stage." We all have a part to play, "play" being the key word. I cant count the number of times I have been told to "play the game.", or "play your cards right." Maybe im over thinking it, but I dont care to play. Im 30, I think I have done enough playing.
People like me tend to hit the same wall over and over again. Our ideals tend to be our undoing. I, for example, tend to believe in absolutes. If lying is wrong than its wrong all the time, no exceptions. The problem is I tend to see it from the dictionary definition and not from the social definition and I could give a damn what most people think. Dont get it twisted, I do lie...everyone does. I just dont do it when I should, apparently. I do it to get what I want, because society has taught me that the rules of society are subjective at best and hardly anyone actually lives by them. Yet, experience has taught me that you get what you put out. If you lie then it will cost you at some point. Yet, honesty doesnt seem to be helping my cause either. So, where is the line?
I have to conclude that this is the art of human interaction. Perhaps the motivations of an act are all that matter. Or, perhaps its just me. Perhaps my presence tends to push people to the negative. In my efforts to reach out I have found, in some cases, that what I have been trying to avoid all this time is exactly what tends to happen. Kindness is seen as weakness resulting in me being disrespected and dismissed. Hardness is seen as aggression and I become the asshole, resulting in me being disrespected and dismissed. What I wouldnt give for that inbetween. Hell, at the end of the day all I want to do is relax and have a good time. Why does this have to be so much work?
In the few cases that do work I tend to find myself saying little to nothing at all. The more I make the interaction about the other person the better the results tend to be. Granted, I do see the moments as success, but I feel a little dirty after the fact. I just spent X amount of time blowing sunshine up someones ass just for the sake of getting along. What kind of existance is that? Is this what people actually do? Is this what being social is all about? Is this the game everyone keeps talking about? If it is then im seriously disappointed. It would seem to me that playing along is more of a lie than anything I ever told. I guess, if you keep it up long enough you get to know something about the person, assuming what you are seeing is the truth.
Regardless, this method takes restraint and patience, things I certainly need to practice. Once I get over my hang-ups on the subject, perharps the benifit of not being myself right off will become more obvious. Until then, if I happen to give you long pauses between statesments dont take it personal. Im just tolerating.....err, understanding you.
From the bottom of my ice-cold, blackened heart,
Thy
"Honesty is a tool that bloodies rather than cuts and should be used sparingly."
I can't remember where I first heard that quote but it is something that has stuck with me for some time. I think it fair to say that you can beat someone to death with honesty. Its a blunt, matter of fact thing that often doesnt convey the point of any statement. Its the difference between saying exactly what you think and saying anything else that could accomplish the same goal.
Let me provide an example:
The truth: I hate your make up, I dont like the colors you tend to use, nor do i feel it improves your beauty.
The alternative: Your natural features are amazing, you dont even need make up in my opinion.
Now, you might tend to say, "well duh.", who the hell would say the first option....I would. Simply because I probably dont think your natural features are that amazing, its just better than that mask you seem to be so damn obsessed with. I swear, I'm not being hurtful...on purpose. I simply dont have that filter so many poeple seem to utilize. I think it, I say it, end of story.
In my defense, if you happen to go back and read my past blogs, I do make an attempt to be a thoughtful individual. I do my best to learn from my mistakes and the things I have seen over the last 30 years....and I think I have learned a great deal. One of those things is that people dont always want to hear what you have to say, especially if its true.
It seems to me that there is a lot of truth to the notion that "all the world is a stage." We all have a part to play, "play" being the key word. I cant count the number of times I have been told to "play the game.", or "play your cards right." Maybe im over thinking it, but I dont care to play. Im 30, I think I have done enough playing.
People like me tend to hit the same wall over and over again. Our ideals tend to be our undoing. I, for example, tend to believe in absolutes. If lying is wrong than its wrong all the time, no exceptions. The problem is I tend to see it from the dictionary definition and not from the social definition and I could give a damn what most people think. Dont get it twisted, I do lie...everyone does. I just dont do it when I should, apparently. I do it to get what I want, because society has taught me that the rules of society are subjective at best and hardly anyone actually lives by them. Yet, experience has taught me that you get what you put out. If you lie then it will cost you at some point. Yet, honesty doesnt seem to be helping my cause either. So, where is the line?
I have to conclude that this is the art of human interaction. Perhaps the motivations of an act are all that matter. Or, perhaps its just me. Perhaps my presence tends to push people to the negative. In my efforts to reach out I have found, in some cases, that what I have been trying to avoid all this time is exactly what tends to happen. Kindness is seen as weakness resulting in me being disrespected and dismissed. Hardness is seen as aggression and I become the asshole, resulting in me being disrespected and dismissed. What I wouldnt give for that inbetween. Hell, at the end of the day all I want to do is relax and have a good time. Why does this have to be so much work?
In the few cases that do work I tend to find myself saying little to nothing at all. The more I make the interaction about the other person the better the results tend to be. Granted, I do see the moments as success, but I feel a little dirty after the fact. I just spent X amount of time blowing sunshine up someones ass just for the sake of getting along. What kind of existance is that? Is this what people actually do? Is this what being social is all about? Is this the game everyone keeps talking about? If it is then im seriously disappointed. It would seem to me that playing along is more of a lie than anything I ever told. I guess, if you keep it up long enough you get to know something about the person, assuming what you are seeing is the truth.
Regardless, this method takes restraint and patience, things I certainly need to practice. Once I get over my hang-ups on the subject, perharps the benifit of not being myself right off will become more obvious. Until then, if I happen to give you long pauses between statesments dont take it personal. Im just tolerating.....err, understanding you.
From the bottom of my ice-cold, blackened heart,
Thy