Relationships are a strange form of chemistry. Take one part you, one part them, add in history, simularities, differences, desires, hopes and fears and you will be lucky if the both of you arent blown completely apart. Still and yet, we keep doing it. We keep mixing it up, trying different componds and methods hoping to stumble upon that thing they call true love.
-You are NOT your last relationship-
Or, in most cases, your last train wreck. In the aftermath of a relationship you cant forget to leave the damned thing behind you. Just because you didnt strike gold this time dosent mean that you, or him/her, are fundamentally flawed. Yet, what it does usually mean is that you might be looking in the wrong place for what most of us as humans need the most.....acceptance.
Acceptance...ya, not usually the first word that comes to mind when you think of relationships. Usually its love, passion, commitment, happiness, etc......and thats the problem. Your putting the cart before the horse. You cant have any of those things that were listed without first having acceptance. Now lets be clear on this.
acceptance /k's?pt?ns/ [ak-sep-tuhns] –noun
1. the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2. favorable reception; approval; favor.
3. the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
4. the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.
What it does not say is change, modify, improve, train or educate. In short, if they arent your ideal mate then why are/did you force it? Well, the reason is obvious really, you wanted to feel acceptance as well and you figured the two of you could just -work- through the rest of it......but thats not actually acceptance.
Im not saying that relationships should be easy and if you have to work on them you shouldnt bother. But, what I am saying is what is more important? You getting what you want and feeling the way you want or accepting people for what they are and allowing things to happen naturally from there? Why the rush? Why the urgency?
Its probably because we do not actually accept ourselves that we dive into the relationships that we do. Hoping to fill the void with someone else. Often confusing lust, passion and really good sex with true acceptance. In reality you are not in lover with him/her, your in love with how they respond to you....how good you look in thier eyes. Looking at someone who wants you is probably the best mirror of all.....you always feel better about yourself, but its temporary...like being drunk or high. When you come down you may not like what you see. Then what? By the time you see whats really going on it may be too late.
The only way to prevent the next train wreck from happening is to start looking at yourself with honest and open eyes. Focus on your good points, on what you can do, on what your good at. Dive into who YOU are, not someone else. This doesnt mean clean out the Barnes & Noble of all its self-help books either, thats also not acceptance. Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Learn to be comfortable alone and comfortable with others...not just one or the other. Deciede what you want in life, set some goals, make some plans for you. Most importantly stop judging yourself through other people's eyes. You are the one who determines your worth, no one else.
You are not your last relationship.
-You are NOT your last relationship-
Or, in most cases, your last train wreck. In the aftermath of a relationship you cant forget to leave the damned thing behind you. Just because you didnt strike gold this time dosent mean that you, or him/her, are fundamentally flawed. Yet, what it does usually mean is that you might be looking in the wrong place for what most of us as humans need the most.....acceptance.
Acceptance...ya, not usually the first word that comes to mind when you think of relationships. Usually its love, passion, commitment, happiness, etc......and thats the problem. Your putting the cart before the horse. You cant have any of those things that were listed without first having acceptance. Now lets be clear on this.
acceptance /k's?pt?ns/ [ak-sep-tuhns] –noun
1. the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2. favorable reception; approval; favor.
3. the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
4. the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.
What it does not say is change, modify, improve, train or educate. In short, if they arent your ideal mate then why are/did you force it? Well, the reason is obvious really, you wanted to feel acceptance as well and you figured the two of you could just -work- through the rest of it......but thats not actually acceptance.
Im not saying that relationships should be easy and if you have to work on them you shouldnt bother. But, what I am saying is what is more important? You getting what you want and feeling the way you want or accepting people for what they are and allowing things to happen naturally from there? Why the rush? Why the urgency?
Its probably because we do not actually accept ourselves that we dive into the relationships that we do. Hoping to fill the void with someone else. Often confusing lust, passion and really good sex with true acceptance. In reality you are not in lover with him/her, your in love with how they respond to you....how good you look in thier eyes. Looking at someone who wants you is probably the best mirror of all.....you always feel better about yourself, but its temporary...like being drunk or high. When you come down you may not like what you see. Then what? By the time you see whats really going on it may be too late.
The only way to prevent the next train wreck from happening is to start looking at yourself with honest and open eyes. Focus on your good points, on what you can do, on what your good at. Dive into who YOU are, not someone else. This doesnt mean clean out the Barnes & Noble of all its self-help books either, thats also not acceptance. Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Learn to be comfortable alone and comfortable with others...not just one or the other. Deciede what you want in life, set some goals, make some plans for you. Most importantly stop judging yourself through other people's eyes. You are the one who determines your worth, no one else.
You are not your last relationship.