you make me want to lala...in the bathroom, on the toilet.
I REALLY do not want to work today.
The other day an old hag came into my work. I haven't seen her in ages. Her name is Red. Not sure if it is here real name or not, but it is the name I and a few coworkers gave to her because she used to wear a red wig, which I supposed covered the devil horns sprouting from her melon.
She now wears a white wig, but the name Red has stuck, and wil not be changed, pending any court-induced sanctions.
Anyway, We used to torment this lady because she is a complete bitch. In her old, decrepit state, she demands we make everything fresh or open new pieces of meat because she is afraid of the disease on the meat we served the previous fifty customers. She also insists on seeing the meat before it is sliced.
A cruel addiciton of mine is to show her the meat (the deli meat
), but slowly move my hand in tiny circles as she is examining her specimen. The hilarity of her eyes trying to follow this circling piece while her head bobbles from side to side is gut busting. She'll usually yell, "Hold it in place, damn it!" after 10 seconds of circular levitation exercises.
So, the other day she comes in. I'm in a good mood --unusual for work, but true-- so I ask her how she's been since I haven't seen her in the store in a while. She looks at me perplexed, and condescendingly reminds me, "I haven't been in the damn store in a while!". She really needs to stop sugar coating things.
That story reminds me of another that I'll write before I forget. Short and sweet.
My sneezes are true man sneezes. They will unhinge doors. One day I was in TJ Maxx when I let go one of my baby killing sneezes. I covered my nose when I sneezed, but the sound is still deafening. An OLD lady turns to me with a look of disgust and musters the breath from her shriveled lungs to murmur "disgusting!" as she walks by me. So I replied with, "what does it matter, you're almost dead anyway." One of my great comebacks. I was proud of that one.
I am usually overly nice to older people, but I hate assholes of any age.
I REALLY do not want to work today.
The other day an old hag came into my work. I haven't seen her in ages. Her name is Red. Not sure if it is here real name or not, but it is the name I and a few coworkers gave to her because she used to wear a red wig, which I supposed covered the devil horns sprouting from her melon.
She now wears a white wig, but the name Red has stuck, and wil not be changed, pending any court-induced sanctions.
Anyway, We used to torment this lady because she is a complete bitch. In her old, decrepit state, she demands we make everything fresh or open new pieces of meat because she is afraid of the disease on the meat we served the previous fifty customers. She also insists on seeing the meat before it is sliced.
A cruel addiciton of mine is to show her the meat (the deli meat
), but slowly move my hand in tiny circles as she is examining her specimen. The hilarity of her eyes trying to follow this circling piece while her head bobbles from side to side is gut busting. She'll usually yell, "Hold it in place, damn it!" after 10 seconds of circular levitation exercises.
So, the other day she comes in. I'm in a good mood --unusual for work, but true-- so I ask her how she's been since I haven't seen her in the store in a while. She looks at me perplexed, and condescendingly reminds me, "I haven't been in the damn store in a while!". She really needs to stop sugar coating things.
That story reminds me of another that I'll write before I forget. Short and sweet.
My sneezes are true man sneezes. They will unhinge doors. One day I was in TJ Maxx when I let go one of my baby killing sneezes. I covered my nose when I sneezed, but the sound is still deafening. An OLD lady turns to me with a look of disgust and musters the breath from her shriveled lungs to murmur "disgusting!" as she walks by me. So I replied with, "what does it matter, you're almost dead anyway." One of my great comebacks. I was proud of that one.
I am usually overly nice to older people, but I hate assholes of any age.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
i truly enjoy and share your hatred for old hags.
what a pair we are! ha ha!
♥