who i am, and where i am in the world are questions i have thought about, a lot. there were times in my life that i could not answer them and other times when i forgot to ask the questions.
lately i have answers, and the answers are different from what they used to be. yesterday was a huge day for me, as evidenced by my pendulum like journal entries on this site. at the end of the day, after it was all over i found out that there is a major change in the project i am in the midst of completing. i was heard to say "i feel like crying, i don't handle change well".
last night and today i thought about that remark. while it is true that, in the moment, i did feel like crying, it is no longer true that i don't handle change well. i felt like crying because i really don't need even one more thing to deal with at the moment, but now i accept that i have to deal with it i feel confident that i can.
as i begin to settle in with the new answer to the question "who am i" i still find remnants of the old answer. like relics from a ship wreck found on a beach, i pick them up, i look at them and see what they used to be and throw them back. i know they can no longer serve me.
change is hard. it is hard to look honestly at oneself and acknowledge all aspects of self and choose to change some things. but as i made my way through the world today i thought of how very much harder it was to get out of bed and drag myself out of the house on that ghost ship i called "life" three years ago.
lately i have answers, and the answers are different from what they used to be. yesterday was a huge day for me, as evidenced by my pendulum like journal entries on this site. at the end of the day, after it was all over i found out that there is a major change in the project i am in the midst of completing. i was heard to say "i feel like crying, i don't handle change well".
last night and today i thought about that remark. while it is true that, in the moment, i did feel like crying, it is no longer true that i don't handle change well. i felt like crying because i really don't need even one more thing to deal with at the moment, but now i accept that i have to deal with it i feel confident that i can.
as i begin to settle in with the new answer to the question "who am i" i still find remnants of the old answer. like relics from a ship wreck found on a beach, i pick them up, i look at them and see what they used to be and throw them back. i know they can no longer serve me.
change is hard. it is hard to look honestly at oneself and acknowledge all aspects of self and choose to change some things. but as i made my way through the world today i thought of how very much harder it was to get out of bed and drag myself out of the house on that ghost ship i called "life" three years ago.
The best part is always the journey but the part that people want to hear about is the destination. I say screw them.
I am rather scattered tonight- too tired to concentrate.
Why are you so philosophical and not as mundane? I am a person that appreciates the small things.
Maybe that's why I don't like change either. I like the small things to stay the same. Big change alters everything.
Optimism said:
What you start off with is never going to be what you end up as. It's not possible. I can see that you realize that. Do you accept it though?
The best part is always the journey but the part that people want to hear about is the destination.
I couldn't have said it any better, but if I may add that some of us have walked a similar path and may know about some of the pitfalls before you do! Our hands are here to hold onto when it's needed!
J
PS. Yes, in response to the last post, I did mean email or MSN. Note me.
[Edited on Nov 05, 2005 10:04AM]