the woman was mourning that which had not come to pass, yet, but was inevitable. her friend was dying, had already been dying for years before the call from the emergency room nurse came. She needed to go right back "a doctor needed to talk to her immediately, test results were in, and there were some 'anomalies'". intuitively everyone who heard the story knew it...
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pb:
faith in what, praytell? i have no faith.
kundalini:
Happy Valentine's day, my Canadian sweet... 
today there was a perfect chinook arch. i felt it as soon as i stepped outside. the howling wind tore at me and i saw the dark clouds over head. i came over a hill and the dazzling sunshine nearly blinded me. later, when the sun began to set, a surreal pink glow coloured my world. it made perfect sense to me; i knew, again,...
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pb:
i love that feeling.
cineman:
Sorry to read your ibid, but this - above - sounds amazing.
I really need the strong wind of creative approbation from the buying public right about now, but I would gladly take the above as a warm-up or placeholder until my meal gets here - ya dig?
I really need the strong wind of creative approbation from the buying public right about now, but I would gladly take the above as a warm-up or placeholder until my meal gets here - ya dig?
a woman i grew up with is dying of cancer. she still lives on the street where i grew up and i reconize my own mortality in a new way. i feel helpless and hopeless for her. my own problems shrivel to seem grossly inconsequential when i read her e-mails about chemo therapy and blood cell deficits. i don't even know what it really means,...
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kundalini:
I'm sorry to read of your friend. I dislike being confronted with the fragility of life. It messes severely with my own self-image of invulnerability. I empathize with thee. Forced relativism for certain.
How often a new perspective can actually move the world.
How often a new perspective can actually move the world.
wtf:
I often think if I were faced with my mortality in an upclose, everyday, freight train way, I wonder if I would have the strength? I can't bear to watch horror movies of people hiding under the bed while the killer lurks in the house looking for them. I would end up grabbing their ankles when they came into the room, saying, "Here I am, here I am!", because I'm sure the pounding of my heart would give me away eventually and not knowing if I were going to survive would just seem so unbearable. I'm sending thoughts of inner strength and hope out west.
i have many things that i need to do, but all i want to do is curl up an take a nap. it is cold and miserable outside. it is snowing, a dry, mean snow. i wish i was somewhere else.....
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kundalini:
I've been told that Canadian cold can wear down the strongest people.
surlyclown:
Your debasment to the laser surgery gods appears to have worked! 
Thanks!
Thanks!i had a wonderful 2006 in many ways. i am looking forward to this year. i am grateful that my life seems to keep getting better every year.
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pb:
only prob is that the lil tyke will be living in TX and i'm in DC. 
kundalini:
I go back to work tomorrow. Should be a riot. 
happy holidays.
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kundalini:
Happy holidays to you also. Year round. Canadian ones too.
several years ago i met a man. i imagined, briefly, what it would be to spend the rest of my life with him, and then he was gone.
what strikes me about him now is that when i looked him up on 411.com there was only a single listing for his name in the united states. i felt like a spy, waiting for him to...
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what strikes me about him now is that when i looked him up on 411.com there was only a single listing for his name in the united states. i felt like a spy, waiting for him to...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
silverrevolver:
My novel is enough digging in the past for my taste.
What happened with him?
What happened with him?
dorwayin:
you want me to kick his ass?
i notice that my life no longer comes in waves of crises punctuated by brief periods of doldrums. i am no longer tossed on a sea of resentment and anger. now i feel the adrenaline drought and how, i wonder, do i survive the mundane? ?
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dorwayin:
hey, at least it's existence.
pb:
"who will save the sane?" is a song by Type O Negative and i think it illustrates what you mention in your journal.
nothing profound needed. thanks for reading it, period. i put it out there as a sort of therapy. recognizing what i did these last few days about that situation is the next step to being me again.
nothing profound needed. thanks for reading it, period. i put it out there as a sort of therapy. recognizing what i did these last few days about that situation is the next step to being me again.
with the wind chill it feels like -39. at -40 it doesn't matter if it is in degrees fahrenheit or celsius. 
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scheisskopf:
Yeah, it just got down to 5 below f. with the wind chill, last night.
Ca c'est horrible!
Ca c'est horrible!
kundalini:
Holy shit.
It was 63 degrees here today.
fahrenheit.
Stay warm.
It was 63 degrees here today.
fahrenheit.
Stay warm.
i can hardly believe it is november. it is cold and snowy here, which makes me sad, and glad. i am going to take skiing up again this year i think.
my life seems too busy and i need an extra hour or two each day....
my life seems too busy and i need an extra hour or two each day....
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silverrevolver:
The window, grappling hooks, ninja style!
kundalini:
I hope that your sun is shining well upon you...
people are strange, when they are strangers...
and sometimes after i know them, too.
it is an interesting thing, i believe, to shed one's life, like a snake its skin.
i notice how strange it is to find one's friends gone as well.
and in the early attempts to make some new, how hard that is.
there is something comforting in history, no matter how...
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and sometimes after i know them, too.
it is an interesting thing, i believe, to shed one's life, like a snake its skin.
i notice how strange it is to find one's friends gone as well.
and in the early attempts to make some new, how hard that is.
there is something comforting in history, no matter how...
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kundalini:
It didn't seem so much strange to find my friends gone. It was a shock when I called and there was not an answer.
I've not made any new ones. I never go near the old snake hole.
I do have a bunch of kids who look up to me though.
I wonder what that will get me in the next life...
I've not made any new ones. I never go near the old snake hole.
I do have a bunch of kids who look up to me though.
I wonder what that will get me in the next life...
scheisskopf:
I've no idea. I seem, sometimes, to be completely at the mercy of circumstance when it comes to those kinds of things anyhow.
it is funny how the past comes back.
i used to manage information for a major canadian company (they produce 30% of the world's capacity of a particular product). it made me crazy that no one would listen when i told them that there was a wound that was bleeding to the tune of several million dollars a year. i even suggested ways to stem...
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i used to manage information for a major canadian company (they produce 30% of the world's capacity of a particular product). it made me crazy that no one would listen when i told them that there was a wound that was bleeding to the tune of several million dollars a year. i even suggested ways to stem...
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rabidus:
good for you - it's great to make your success an example to others
kundalini:
Highly excellent.
Now if only I could do such a thing with my old job skills at my current job.
Now if only I could do such a thing with my old job skills at my current job.