thistle

Here's a couple of tips for you in case you ever want to order pizza from me or anyone else.

1. Do not tell your server to smile. Your pizza will not taste better if she smiles.

2. Do not offer to tip her better if she smiles. That is just rude.

3. If she tells you your pizza will be ready in 45 minutes, don't ask her if it could possibly be any sooner. If it could be any sooner, she would have told you so. The cooks can only cook so fast, and other people ordered before you.

4. After you know what time your pizza will be ready, do not show up 20 minutes early and ask if it's ready. This will not make your pizza cook any faster, and it makes your server want to spit in it, although she never would because she takes too much pride in her work.

5. Do not ask your server to make special exceptions for you or break rules for you. She is not going to get herself in trouble for some jerky tourist or drunkard who just told her to smile.