thisiswhoweare

I just realized that today is the first day in about 2 weeks that I haven't had any alcohol. I only get buzzy on the weekends when out, but usually have a hot cocoa & whiskey or Irish cream at night, or a cider with dinner at the least. Maybe that's a good thing. I had a fucked up dream last night where I was sleeping with my ex-wife. Not sex, I was just cold and lonely and wanted someone to curl up next to. I hate it when the crappy parts of my life spill into my dreams. I so miss sleeping next to a warm body, and listening to someone breathe. My insomnia never matters when there's someone to hold onto and just enjoy. If I can't sleep, who cares? I'm still bummed about Kristen. She was the only girl I was interested in anymore, now she's having some kind of issue where she doesn't want to date anyone at all. It's sad, she's so much fun when she lets herself be, but she needs to take some risks and enjoy her life before it passes her by. She goes to work, then to the gym, then home. EVERY DAY. If she doesn't want to date me, I can live with that, but I'm still going to try and make her smile more if I can help it. She has a wonderful and totally underused laugh too.

Finally got my raise, $5,000 a year is seriously going to help! I have to move out of this tiny apartment by the freeway, and closer to either SF, or back down to OC so I can at least see my friends and family if I'm going to be celibate.