thisiswhoweare

Time to update I guess. Been way depressed for the past week plus... Everyone's been telling me to cut and run. Probably should... but I don't want to. This week has been especially painful. She's up in Vancouver all week for a business sales conference. But the 'boyfriend' lives up there too, so I know what She's doing with Her spare time. Ugh. Went to the"Asians in Rock" show this week with Jess. Went to see The Skyflakes, which are fantastic. The singers is just a little Filipino pixie! She's so cute, and has the sweetest voice to match. The Clarendon Hills were fun too, a trio of asian kids doing a basic but awesome punk thing. So I was driving Jess home, (I hate the thought of a girl taking public transport alone at night) Oh, just to clear it... Jess and I are just friends, no attraction in either direction. She's my cool punk buddy. So Jess wasn't aware that She and I had actually dated for a couple of weeks before She decided to go back to the boyfriend. Jess flipped out yelling "That's BULLSHIT!".." How can She do that to somebody? You deserve better"... etc. I hadn't thought about it, but I guess that is kind of fucked up. She knows I fell hard for Her when we were first getting together. Then She turned it off (in theory) to be exclusive with the ex. But I was unable to do so myself. Jess thinks She's got me in a holding pattern as a backup in case things go sour with the other guy. I can see that I suppose, but is it intentional? I'm one of Her TWO friends in the area, so maybe She just likes having a friend... Either way, it looks like I'm just S.O.L. on the matter, and need to accept that She won't be with me anytime soon. I need to get out and date someone else... Like that's so easy!

Next week should be fun. I leave for Orange County on tuesday morning, I'm flying to Oahu for my first vacation in 16 years. Going with my parents, my sister and her husband, and their two kids. My 4 yr old nephew Ash (named for Bruce Campbell's character in Evil Dead!) and my 2 yr old neice Lily. So yeah, I get to play and have uncle-time with the kids, but I'll be the only single one there. Might get kind of lonely at night. I'll probably babysit while the others go out for romantic walks or what not... September will be better I hope. Lots of my favorite bands are coming to San Fran that month, so at least I'll be getting some good music. That should cheer me up. That, and I'll finally have money again. This past week has been buying lunch (just one meal a day lately) with change I've scrounged from the floor and couch of my apartment. Ive got around 1600 bucks in re-imbursement coming in and DAMN do I need it. I have 26 bucks to my name once I pay my rent until that check shows up. So yeah anybody in the Bay Area looking to date a broke, depressed, in-love-with-someone-else, damaged goods, 32 year old divorced guy? Oh yeah, I'll just go out and "find somebody else"...