thisisalladream

i'm internet neglectful...

trying to gauge my mood over this newly discovered information is not quite as easy as i would have expected it to be. i know it upsets me to know this and i am a little pissed, but at the same moment i just feel kind of empty about it all. maybe because i feel like it won't manifest itself into anything other than a smattering of words. or so i hope. or maybe i'm just sick of it all.

i don't enjoy feeling as if i have to look behind me at any given moment to make sure it isn't creeping up on me. that you won't suddenly pull the rug out from my feet sending me tumbling to the floor. i just got done uttering that i trust you, that i don't believe you'd do anything to mar that lovely image of have of you. now this new bit that fell slowly down onto my ears.

it was a while ago, yes. should i be concerned? i always am and find it incredibly ironic that last night we talked about this. not her or what you said, but believing you wouldn't betray me. i suppose you haven't and as far as i know nothing has happened but knowing that you think she was the one that slipped through your fingers truly makes me feel second best.

especially considering you're telling me that i'm the only one you want. now who do i believe?

hopefully it's you, because i'm putting *almost* all my cards on you.

don't let me down....


besides, to really just be a crappy girl for a second: she lied to my face and comes off like a skanky little thing. there. done venting. *phew*