thisisalladream

"But when you're close
You look through me just like a ghost
I like sleeping
I'm only safe when I'm dreaming
I need a new heart
This one's hollow always scheming
You wait for summer
And then you wait for winter
But there's a total lack of splendor...

Throw away your crushes
All your childhood crutches away
Super brain
Never scared of nothing
Violence or loving my way"

it's probably terribly foolish of me but i'm still waiting to hear from him., that we'll both come to our senses and somehow fix this problem that manifested itself after one long night littered with too many drinks and not enough conversations.

i really don't want to think that everything he's told me in hushed tones and whispers have been untruthful, i would like to think that the smiles and wrinkles around his eyes were indeed for me. i want this stupid feeling in my stomach to not be just another mistake that i chalk up to being misinformed yet again.

i can see the future still, only now it has a slight haze to it. a film that can be wiped away just as easily as it was placed there that evening. i know that this story isn't over for he and i and whatever that may bring, i just hope he realizes it too.

it seems as though this has fucked me up more than i let on...