thisisalladream

"I'm just like you, peel away the layers two by two.
You're just like me, piling on the pressure three by three.
We're almost done shutting out the voices one by one.
Why do i worry, what do they think?
What is she telling her friends? i can't ignore anything.
I'm planning out my moves like my every second was graded."

it seems, as of late, that i've been getting ahead of myself but never really catching up. my words sort of barrel through situations that never really turn out the way i thought up in my head. my heart so of flip flops in different rhythms with the tick of the second hand of the clock over my head. i can't seem to keep up with the world around me, or so it seems at night in pitch black rooms when my head rushes from one dreamed up scenario to the next.

i wish i could figure it out.

i wish i could get this all off of my chest, but i am much to busy biting my lip. pushing these words and phrases back down my throat. perhaps i am saving them for a rainy day, or realizing that i may need a few hours to see how it all unfolds. all in all it simply does not help my fragile state as my hands shake and i can feel this squirming feeling in the pit of my stomach.

i need to stop making excuses for all parties involved. i need to get this jumble of words out of my head and onto the table. damn it. here i go second guessing myself. you see in previous situations i am much like Godzilla stomping all of Tokyo, i set everything in motion to quickly. light speed even. so i have been trying to rectify this simple little fact by slowing myself down, or attempting to. i'm just not sure when slow is too slow, when i should push, when i should pull, and when i should just scream my head off.

i really wish i knew what to do...