thisisalladream

insomnia is crushing my itty bitty soul, keep in mind that may be a bit of an exaggeration. ha.

i blame the recent lack of sleep on this never ending cold and my indecisiveness. i really need to figure out where i am going to move to, and fast. i am suppose to be out of this city by the end of February and it's already Jan. 21st. damn it. part of me knows that i will most likely end up back in Pennsylvania for a number of reason but the two most apparent ones would be: i am broke and a support system. these past few years of being away from my friends and family have definitely been trying and now that i have the chance (sort of) to go back, i feel like i should be overjoyed. instead, at least at this very moment, i feel like i might be settling.

i do need that support though, there are only a handful of people who can get me out of my head and make my feet touch the ground, but there's this part of me that wants to roam and travel. i blame all the times i went on tour for my wanderlust.

there's more to the story, of course, it seems my heart is broken up to bits and pieces all over the place and i'd like to pursue adventures, but this isn't realistic. my head and my heart are really starting to not get along...

i do have one little glimmer of hope back in PA but i'm afraid that it might be fading faster than i had expected and i have no idea what to do about this. i dislike that feeling of losing things, but it seems i am the queen of misplacing things all over the place.

okay.

in keeping up with the previous post (if you haven't read it, do so now because i love it) here are more items for the "Finding strange things attractive" although i do believe some of them aren't *that* strange:

* when boys who have glasses constantly push them up (i have no idea why but it kills me.)

*hooded sweatshirt obsessions (i think this is because i am very guilty of it as well and it's nice to share obsessions, right?)

*smirks (i may have already written this, who knows...)

*comic book fans (seriously. there is something so adorable about a boy all scrunched up over top of a comic book, that and i have this whole "dream sunday" that i've only really told one person about, i'd tell others but only if the ask. haha.)

*when a boy who is taller than me (ie: almost all boys) stands just a little too close and is sort of peering down at me (it's engulfing in a sensory aspect, that and it feels intimate. secure. plus, sometimes if i am fortunate enough, it's the "lean in kiss" time and i find it terrible amusing and adorable when tall boys have to bend to get to my level, really i'm 5'3", it's amusing. there's lots of moving and bending and me trying to stifle my giggles.)

i think that is enough...

ramble, ramble. my cat is chewing my ear buds and must be stopped. damn.

<3