thinkofsomething

i don't know any more if it has been months... or years
that i've been sporting the social equivalent of a 'kick me' sign.
and i can't even remember if it was my idea or yours. however,
it is only slightly more difficult to convince myself that drugs are just
as satisfying as people now. of course, the self loathing helps to some
degree. i'd go somewhere; but i don't know where, as i have nowhere to go.
i'd say something; but i don't know what, as i have nothing to say. ...all that i have
is so much vague, aimless love that i can't even be my normal, critical, & belligerent, self.