thewineguy

The celibate homosexual


Right, so last week I decided to become a celibate homosexual. Homosexual, because I have no interest in women, celibate because I have no interest in men. And celibate homosexual because its a lot funnier than asexual. Chairs are asexual. Why did this come about? Wont the tears of the thousands or maybe even millions of women dying to have my babies convince me to return to the dating pool? No, you cry in vain my dears, if I had the money I would got ahead and get the catheder and get it over with. So why, being the interesting, intelligent, funny, available, tiger in the sack, kind of guy I am would I hand it up? Oh thats easy because I dont like women anymore. I should clarify that, I dont like single women anymore. I dont want to be giggled at, flirted with, teased, or cooed at. I dont want a knowing smile, bedroom eyes, or come hither lips pursing in my general direction. It makes me sick to my stomach or gives me a headache. If I found a hottie masturbating in my bed, calling out my name, I would tell her to get dressed and fix my sheets.

Im not exactly sure whats behind all of this but I feel pretty good about my decision. It could very well be a phase, but I can honestly say Ive never felt this way before. Ive spent most of my life daydreaming about one woman after another. And hell I have even dated some of those women. Im not some bitter virgin, and I think I could meet another woman if I wanted to. Im not broken hearted about some ex, im not walking around with a torch for an unrequited love. Im just exhausted. I simply dont have the energy or will to pursue a relationship. Just cant be bothered, in fact I have energy to not pursue one. Its always been my policy to at least give a woman interested in me a chance even I think theres no way I would like her, but now the answer is no.

This doesnt mean youre going to find me outside of Planned parenthood with pictures of a dead fetus. This doesnt mean Im going to stop talking to my female friends. I just dont want to have romantic relationships with them.

What if you had a great love when you were young and they died, isnt it reasonable that you might be alone for the rest of your life? Well maybe I already had enough chances with some fantastic women, it didnt work out, and the rest of the female population is unlikely to measure up, and I dont have the energy to find out one way or another. Ive had partners in crime, brilliant artists, sexual dynamos, low maintenance, high maintenance, international, domestic, blondes, red heads, brunettes, tall, short, skinny, voluptuous, republicans, democrats, depressives, optimists, and a whole bunch of other categories. So dont feel bad for me. Im not going to die without ever knowing whats its like to give love and receive love. Hey Brett Favre retired right? And he was a better qb than Im a boyfriend. Who knows what might happen with all the extra energy I have from not playing the stupid dating game.