thetotalm

Been having a really bad bout of depression as of late. Actaully been quite suicadal. Now before half of the site come in here and judges me and says what an asshole I am for wanting to die you all can kiss my ass becuase you don't know what I have to go thorugh mentally every day. I got enough of that shit from what I thought was my vest friend but he said I was just looking for attetnion. No if I was looking for attention I wouldn't tell anyone and I would have just drove my truck into a wall. *sigh* So we're not talking right now.

I'm just tired. Tired of being depressed, poor, lonely, of my parents balltes, of my mother not gonig to work, no support, the headachess, just tired of everything. I know most of you think I could all fix this myself self so simply. But I do try and its not that simple. I do try every day to call and get a job. I do go to docotors to fix my head phycially and emtioanly.

Some nights I just look at my pill bottles and wonder if its all worth itt. Proablly not fair to everyone else so I keep going. But man its tough to keep doing that all day every day.

Wheterh or not anyone reasds this or not this is just theraputic I guess . I mean I like all the comments and emails it really does light up my day when I get rto read emails cuz thats a big part of my day is on the computer. blogging so maybe doing this will help a little too.

Tony