Well today started off good I slept over my parents house last night becuase I felt depressed...niothing I could put my fnger on but I still flet like shite. I woke up today in a better mood had my coffee and cigerrates. Went back to my house for awhile only to find that I had insufficent funds to pay my SG Bill so probally in the next day or so I will go grey (unless one of you very nice people want to buy me a gift account) 
Then I went to my physicatirst and vented about last week the panic attack getting mad at my boss etc. and we seemed to be on the same wavelentgh...went home took a shower shaved and got ready to go to work. All day I had a small but nagging headache.
When I got to work nothing was done...trash was a mess....I mean shit was everywhere. Portions wern't done right. and the trays wern't lined correctly...and thats within the first 40 seconds of me coming in..lord knows what else had to be done. All the while the rest of the staff was just bullshitting and eating pizza and just not doing there job so I had to do it for them...thats not what I"m trained for I"m trained for the back..not the front. I don't like dealing with customers. I don't do it well. But I can still do it unlike some people there...I can muiltitask.
So I go back to the bacroom and start lookin at my suicide scars and start getting that urge again. Its a famillir urge at this point. I start thinking about the store having a box cutter...I get the box cutter and put it in my hands...and then I think for a minute..."this isn't worth it" "i've got school in two weeks I'll be in the Physc ward for that long" so I put the thing back..grab a smoke and a cup of coffee. But the urge was still there. I called my boss and told here what had happend...she said to go home and take the whole week out...I said I couldn't do that due to money problems. So now my new shift is 11-3 when there is always a manager. wehich is a good thing.
I haven't felt like this in over two months...I thought I was over it completly. Last time it took two stun gun shots and an arretst and a stay in a mental hospital to snap me out of it. Now I donn't even know what my problem is...everyithing is seemingly going great. I wish I could pinpoint my frestraioon..but I can't and that pisses me off even more. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Tony
Then I went to my physicatirst and vented about last week the panic attack getting mad at my boss etc. and we seemed to be on the same wavelentgh...went home took a shower shaved and got ready to go to work. All day I had a small but nagging headache.
When I got to work nothing was done...trash was a mess....I mean shit was everywhere. Portions wern't done right. and the trays wern't lined correctly...and thats within the first 40 seconds of me coming in..lord knows what else had to be done. All the while the rest of the staff was just bullshitting and eating pizza and just not doing there job so I had to do it for them...thats not what I"m trained for I"m trained for the back..not the front. I don't like dealing with customers. I don't do it well. But I can still do it unlike some people there...I can muiltitask.
So I go back to the bacroom and start lookin at my suicide scars and start getting that urge again. Its a famillir urge at this point. I start thinking about the store having a box cutter...I get the box cutter and put it in my hands...and then I think for a minute..."this isn't worth it" "i've got school in two weeks I'll be in the Physc ward for that long" so I put the thing back..grab a smoke and a cup of coffee. But the urge was still there. I called my boss and told here what had happend...she said to go home and take the whole week out...I said I couldn't do that due to money problems. So now my new shift is 11-3 when there is always a manager. wehich is a good thing.
I haven't felt like this in over two months...I thought I was over it completly. Last time it took two stun gun shots and an arretst and a stay in a mental hospital to snap me out of it. Now I donn't even know what my problem is...everyithing is seemingly going great. I wish I could pinpoint my frestraioon..but I can't and that pisses me off even more. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Tony
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
quirky:
The movie was so good that I left feeling drunk.
meow:
It's rainy here.... but I like it.
