thestate

life is very weird right now. i don't really know what to make of it. all the friends that i actually care about are all in school; far, far away from here. the friends that i have at home, well, to say the least, my relationship with them has soured. i pretty much find myself sitting around the house all day. i've kinda stopped eating, which i actually see as a positive thing.
i'm starting work at starbucks on thursday. i guess that's where a college degree gets you. fuck this job market. fuck our president. fuck gas prices. fuck it all.
i'm way too angst ridden today for my own good. to make matters worse, i've been seeing this girl. she's the first girl that i've dated in a long, long time. and she's great. but right now i'm just not emotionally available. i haven't been close with someone in so long that i'm scared to open myself up and share my life. i haven't been upfront or honest with her, and it's killing me. i'm too scared to tell her how i feel.
grrrr.
hopefully things will turn around soon...