Hello, Children.
Yes, yes, thank you, thank you. Your worship of Me has assured your places in Heaven.
Something has been brought to My Attention, something that saddens Your Master. That something is the plight of the Mexican Jumping Bean.
I have learned, that which makes this "bean" bound about with reckless abandon, is not that the "bean" is imbued with Gaiety Majiks; rather, it contains within a simple worm, when moistened, desperately tries to free itself, causing the "bean" to "jump". I say "bean", when in fact it is no such thing. One could not use this to garnish a salad, though many have tried. I am unsure as to the true identity of this imposter, but an imposter it remains.
Now, I enjoy Negro Dyke Dwarf tossing as much as the next Red-Blooded God-Fearing Communist-Hating Overweight American, but these worms are not God's Offal! These worms are Beings Of Light, each with an immortal soul and a dignity all their own, and therefore it is extremely immoral to take pleasure from their torture!
It also comes to My Holy Attention, that if left to their own devices these worms will turn into moths, I assume becoming Mexican Flying Beans. Can you imagine the extreme emotional stress the creatures must suffer through in order to spontaneously evolve? If we continue to harrass the little wonders, and they continue to evolve, can the Mexican Jumping Space Fetus ultimately be that far behind? Is it truly wise to torture our future Gods?
I leave you with this charge: Leave those fucking Mexican Jumping Miracles alone.
So shall it be done.
Amen
Yes, yes, thank you, thank you. Your worship of Me has assured your places in Heaven.
Something has been brought to My Attention, something that saddens Your Master. That something is the plight of the Mexican Jumping Bean.
I have learned, that which makes this "bean" bound about with reckless abandon, is not that the "bean" is imbued with Gaiety Majiks; rather, it contains within a simple worm, when moistened, desperately tries to free itself, causing the "bean" to "jump". I say "bean", when in fact it is no such thing. One could not use this to garnish a salad, though many have tried. I am unsure as to the true identity of this imposter, but an imposter it remains.
Now, I enjoy Negro Dyke Dwarf tossing as much as the next Red-Blooded God-Fearing Communist-Hating Overweight American, but these worms are not God's Offal! These worms are Beings Of Light, each with an immortal soul and a dignity all their own, and therefore it is extremely immoral to take pleasure from their torture!
It also comes to My Holy Attention, that if left to their own devices these worms will turn into moths, I assume becoming Mexican Flying Beans. Can you imagine the extreme emotional stress the creatures must suffer through in order to spontaneously evolve? If we continue to harrass the little wonders, and they continue to evolve, can the Mexican Jumping Space Fetus ultimately be that far behind? Is it truly wise to torture our future Gods?
I leave you with this charge: Leave those fucking Mexican Jumping Miracles alone.
So shall it be done.
Amen
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