Contacted DRE about interviewing Devendra Banhart and emailed young god records about it. Hopefully it will work out.
Tom Sizemore on drugs and bad judgment. Good stuff.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7357116/?GT1=6428
I have not tested this product but I will soon. Supposedly it can filter out shitty liquor into sipping liquor. That sounds very promising to me especially if it cuts down on hangovers.
http://www.graykangaroo.com/home.htm
A bunch of personal stuff follows. No need to read it as it is long and convoluted. More me talking to myself than anything.
I am a cock. I told Kate I wanted to see other people this morning yet still see here. Thats how I feel but I feel like an asshole for the feeling and for telling her. I don't want her to be upset but is that egotism in that I don't want to be a person that hurts people? Contradictions swirl inside my head. I hope she is ok and I know she is. I have really enjoyed the time I spent with her and would like to spend more. She has helped me to figure stuff out and become a better person. Yeah we have differences and I am crazy but it worked in parts and the other parts were my fault I think. I'm not ready for just one person but we would be moving in May anyway but that is a dumb reason to suppress a growing desire but- ah fuck. Simply I feel like an asshole. I am an asshole.
She brought me a bottle of Broker's Gin last night. That is the first time anyone every brought me alcohol. It was so sweet. We drove to get something to eat but it was late so we settled on Taco Bell. Getting off 240 taking a right onto tunnel there was a Mexican with pushing a metro that was smoking back. I hesitated but not one else was helping and I love metros and feel very close to Mexicans (that might make me some sort of white guilt racist but I feel a lot closer to Mexicans, black people, and poor whites than I do with yuppie crackers. but no I feel close to people because I am a member of the human race) so I got out and helped him push it some. He put the parking brake on and I asked for a fire extinguisher. He seemed a little out of it. Kate had none but he had some water. The engine was on fire or at least something in the compartment and fire was dropping out from under the car. I tried to get the water in the crack under the hood after it flared up and out and put it out some. I though we should open the hood but it was too hot. I used the water up and then he opened the hood with a floor mat. I cursed my self for not saving it. Some one drove by and told us to get away it would blow up. I was jacked up on adrenaline and as he beat at the engine with the floor mat I told him I would be back with water and drove to a burger king. Kate told me to call 911 which I did and they said they were on the way. I stood half in the car and half out wanting to get the water while Kate told me to let the fire dept handle it. I heard no sirens. The burger king guy though we were going to rob him. I ended up getting back in the car and we drove to taco bell and got food and I became distant in the car feeling my betrayal of the Mexican ( was me in my mind lets face it. there is a bond I feel with metro drivers) while Kate tried to soothe me. We got the food and drove back by. There was an engine there the fire was out and the Mexican stood with a fireman in front of the metro which had its lights on. I felt really bad. I did what I could I could have done more and I didn't go back like I said I would.
I can't believe no one helped him. I can't believe I was the only one to get out of their car. I understand the whole people suck but where I'm from people would be helping. Maybe I'm naive about this stuff. But it shouldn't be like that. If people helped each other when they needed it we would have a lot less problems in the world. A lot of people have helped me and I have tried to help other people. I owe people.
I rambled on about this stuff to Kate in the car as we drove back. I think of my self as a hero wanting for a chance to prove himself (I'm being honest here you can laugh and call me names if you want) I hold myself to a higher standard. I am prepared to sacrifice myself to save other's lives. That is who I am or who I have made myself to be. Maybe when it comes down to it I would run crying away. I don't know. I've read the red badge of courage and I can see parts of myself in that. But I feel if I had the chance and failed in bad faith I would probably kill myself. Maybe even seppuku to ease the burning shame. Young males pattern themselves on heroes and perhaps as the get older can see part of that patterning is bullshit. But other parts are good. Parts of it are what it means to be a human fucking being. We got to where we are by sacrifice and we'll be in a very bad place if it goes out of style. If there comes a time where no one helps people in need but just stand with their hands in their pockets I don't want to be part of that society. If people say its not my business then I'd rather be dead. Of course try and change them but if the maddening crowd cheers as storm troopers pull Jews from their homes or worse just watch then I will kill as many Nazis as I can before being killed myself. And I don't believe in an after life.
I know I'm rambling on here more than usual but that incident last night is really fucking with me. There is some stuff I can be real cool about but not people in need. That demands my action. Maybe it is egotistical but it is who I am. And if it isn't me then who the fuck am I? Just another schmuck kid who thinks theyre special but doesnt sweat for what they profess to believe it?
So to sum it up I am an asshole who wants to see other people when my girlfriend who lives an hour away is awesome and good for me. If she lived in the same town it would all be different. I wish she could move but there are other differences too and I don't think I am mature enough for her but I don't know if my immaturity will be fixed anytime soon. She deserves better.
And I am conflicted and feel a betrayer for not doing more to help the Mexican with the metro. I really hope he is okay and the car can be fixed. he had a tough night and I got to go home and eat two 1/2 lb burritos, drink a scotch and water, watch Garden State(which was good) and sleeping the same bed as a wonderful girl who I told I wanted to see other people just before she drove an hour to get home then go to work.
I am an asshole. But at least I'm writing.
Tom Sizemore on drugs and bad judgment. Good stuff.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7357116/?GT1=6428
I have not tested this product but I will soon. Supposedly it can filter out shitty liquor into sipping liquor. That sounds very promising to me especially if it cuts down on hangovers.
http://www.graykangaroo.com/home.htm
A bunch of personal stuff follows. No need to read it as it is long and convoluted. More me talking to myself than anything.
I am a cock. I told Kate I wanted to see other people this morning yet still see here. Thats how I feel but I feel like an asshole for the feeling and for telling her. I don't want her to be upset but is that egotism in that I don't want to be a person that hurts people? Contradictions swirl inside my head. I hope she is ok and I know she is. I have really enjoyed the time I spent with her and would like to spend more. She has helped me to figure stuff out and become a better person. Yeah we have differences and I am crazy but it worked in parts and the other parts were my fault I think. I'm not ready for just one person but we would be moving in May anyway but that is a dumb reason to suppress a growing desire but- ah fuck. Simply I feel like an asshole. I am an asshole.
She brought me a bottle of Broker's Gin last night. That is the first time anyone every brought me alcohol. It was so sweet. We drove to get something to eat but it was late so we settled on Taco Bell. Getting off 240 taking a right onto tunnel there was a Mexican with pushing a metro that was smoking back. I hesitated but not one else was helping and I love metros and feel very close to Mexicans (that might make me some sort of white guilt racist but I feel a lot closer to Mexicans, black people, and poor whites than I do with yuppie crackers. but no I feel close to people because I am a member of the human race) so I got out and helped him push it some. He put the parking brake on and I asked for a fire extinguisher. He seemed a little out of it. Kate had none but he had some water. The engine was on fire or at least something in the compartment and fire was dropping out from under the car. I tried to get the water in the crack under the hood after it flared up and out and put it out some. I though we should open the hood but it was too hot. I used the water up and then he opened the hood with a floor mat. I cursed my self for not saving it. Some one drove by and told us to get away it would blow up. I was jacked up on adrenaline and as he beat at the engine with the floor mat I told him I would be back with water and drove to a burger king. Kate told me to call 911 which I did and they said they were on the way. I stood half in the car and half out wanting to get the water while Kate told me to let the fire dept handle it. I heard no sirens. The burger king guy though we were going to rob him. I ended up getting back in the car and we drove to taco bell and got food and I became distant in the car feeling my betrayal of the Mexican ( was me in my mind lets face it. there is a bond I feel with metro drivers) while Kate tried to soothe me. We got the food and drove back by. There was an engine there the fire was out and the Mexican stood with a fireman in front of the metro which had its lights on. I felt really bad. I did what I could I could have done more and I didn't go back like I said I would.
I can't believe no one helped him. I can't believe I was the only one to get out of their car. I understand the whole people suck but where I'm from people would be helping. Maybe I'm naive about this stuff. But it shouldn't be like that. If people helped each other when they needed it we would have a lot less problems in the world. A lot of people have helped me and I have tried to help other people. I owe people.
I rambled on about this stuff to Kate in the car as we drove back. I think of my self as a hero wanting for a chance to prove himself (I'm being honest here you can laugh and call me names if you want) I hold myself to a higher standard. I am prepared to sacrifice myself to save other's lives. That is who I am or who I have made myself to be. Maybe when it comes down to it I would run crying away. I don't know. I've read the red badge of courage and I can see parts of myself in that. But I feel if I had the chance and failed in bad faith I would probably kill myself. Maybe even seppuku to ease the burning shame. Young males pattern themselves on heroes and perhaps as the get older can see part of that patterning is bullshit. But other parts are good. Parts of it are what it means to be a human fucking being. We got to where we are by sacrifice and we'll be in a very bad place if it goes out of style. If there comes a time where no one helps people in need but just stand with their hands in their pockets I don't want to be part of that society. If people say its not my business then I'd rather be dead. Of course try and change them but if the maddening crowd cheers as storm troopers pull Jews from their homes or worse just watch then I will kill as many Nazis as I can before being killed myself. And I don't believe in an after life.
I know I'm rambling on here more than usual but that incident last night is really fucking with me. There is some stuff I can be real cool about but not people in need. That demands my action. Maybe it is egotistical but it is who I am. And if it isn't me then who the fuck am I? Just another schmuck kid who thinks theyre special but doesnt sweat for what they profess to believe it?
So to sum it up I am an asshole who wants to see other people when my girlfriend who lives an hour away is awesome and good for me. If she lived in the same town it would all be different. I wish she could move but there are other differences too and I don't think I am mature enough for her but I don't know if my immaturity will be fixed anytime soon. She deserves better.
And I am conflicted and feel a betrayer for not doing more to help the Mexican with the metro. I really hope he is okay and the car can be fixed. he had a tough night and I got to go home and eat two 1/2 lb burritos, drink a scotch and water, watch Garden State(which was good) and sleeping the same bed as a wonderful girl who I told I wanted to see other people just before she drove an hour to get home then go to work.
I am an asshole. But at least I'm writing.
Will Ferrell as GWB gving important messages and fighting devil horses.